First Reactions To US Election From Inside Malta's War Rooms

'Mnalla ma telax Sanders'

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If Trump wins

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By the fireplace in Castille...

JM: Għidtilkom jien. Gingers do it better. 

Advisor 1: U leeee. Mank pprovaw ma Bernie minflok. Kien ikkaxxkru landslide lil Trump. Mela zzobb ta Hillary.

Advisor 2: This is a revolution of the lower and middle classes. 

JM: Ezatt. A revolution against the old style of politics.

Advisor 1: Imma aħna ok ux? We're still new style, right? Moviment u hekk.

JM: U mela. And Simon is basically Hillary. 

Advisor 2: Uncharismatic, unlikeable and unelectable?

JM: Preciz.

Advisor 1: U inti Trump allura?

JM: Heq, it-tnejn winners.

Advisor 2: Guys, KMB għadu kif ippropona ħajt madwar Malta. 

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Meanwhile, at Dar Centrali...

SB: It's spreading. The madness is spreading. First Brexit, now this. 

Advisor 1: Why do people keep electing madmen? Too many people have a vote nowadays.

Advisor 2: You're reading it all wrong guys. Trump won because Hillary is corrupt. Trump was fresh and honest. She had dodgy emails. We're still on the right track.

Advisor 1: I wonder where Jeremy Corbyn fits into all of this. Is he a madman or honest?

SB: Two months ago we were saying Trump's a lunatic. Today he's president. Tomorrow we'll clap for him. We can still do this. We just need better...

Advisor 1: Communications?

SB: Maybe I should just be more....

Advisor 1: Yourself? 

SB: Yes. Maybe.

Advisor 2: We've only been telling you that for three years now. 

SB: Maybe I should have a secret recording leaked. Saying something naughty about Kristina.

Advisor 2: Simon, you are not dirty. We said: Yourself!

If Hillary wins

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By the fireplace in Castille...

JM: Qed taraw. You don't have to be popular to win. You just have to be more popular. 

Advisor 1: Mnalla ma telax Sanders. Kieku kien jirbaħ b'landslide Trump. 

Advisor 2: Ara Madonna how close he came imma ta. 

JM: Kif ha ngħamlu appuntament magħha għid? Let's be the first European state to meet her. 

Advisor 1: Naħseb hawn trid tigi, fejn sabulha tilgħab bl-emails.  

JM: Mux immorru hemm mela?  

Advisor 2: Ħalli tilbes tan-nejk Michelle u nispiċċaw fuq Reddit. Let's stay below the radar for a while, tridu? 

JM: Ngħamlu stopover l-Panama kieku, biex nikkaxxja l-miljuni ta moħħ Simon. Ngħidu l-Konrad ukoll.

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Meanwhile, at Dar Centrali...

SB: Qed taraw, you don't have to be likeable to win. You just have to be competent. 

Advisor 1: Or go up against a complete nutjob who grabs pussies for breakfast. I can't believe he came this far.

Advisor 2: I wouldn't get too excited. Joseph isn't so different to Hillary. The Americans voted for continuity even though they thought she was corrupt. 

Advisor 1: Bottom line: we need to get some celebrity endorsement tipo Beyoncé u Jay Z. Tgħid Ira u SJ Gravz jiġu magħna?

SB: I'd love to meet Hillary one day. I wonder what she's like.  

Advisor 1: We should issue a statement to congratulate her. Maybe we can be the first ones on Twitter. 

Advisor 2: Roberta Metsola has already been retweeted 100 times.  

SB: Why do we always forget Twitter? 

Advisor 1: Nobody's on Twitter. 

SB: Barra!

Suggest your own imagined conversation in the comments below or on Facebook.

READ NEXT: VOTE: Who Do The Maltese Want As President Of The United States?