Anyone desperate enough to beam their business onto a medieval fortification is justifiably deserving of untold riches. I mean, we’ve got hardly any trees left, so we may as well start looking at alternatives to illegal billboards (although that might not go down too well with the construction industry if we stop using their overflow of concrete without anything to stabilise).
Heritage Malta put out a call to action last night, asking willing vendors to pay a fee that would allow them to project the latest Fiverr project some government-funded start-up had commissioned under the guise of a ‘Digital Marketing Brand’ onto Fort St Angelo.
We thought this was some brilliant outside-the-box thinking (definitely no sarcasm here, nope), so despite Owen Bonnici thinking otherwise, we thought we’d give you a few more spots that would be perfect for this initiative:
1. St Paul’s Catacombs
It’s the year 2040 and Malta has finally ushered in VR. Rabat is now an advertising hub thanks to Heritage Malta and the many adverts now emblazoned throughout St Paul’s Catacombs. L-aqwa żmien għadu ġej!
2. Mdina’s Walls
Give the old capital a chance to earn its title back by pumping in those advertising royalties? Sure, why not?
3. Victoria Lines
Once used as protection from invasion, now perfect for use as protection from anti-consumerism.
4. St Agatha’s (Red) Tower
I’m sure Garsin didn’t intend on his tower staying the colour he built it in. In fact, he’d probably be over the moon to see it lit up during the next abysmal election campaign. PN’s comeback will definitely involve them taking over St Agatha’s tower with the finest of conservative blues.
5. Literally any of the walls surrounding Sliema’s beaches
It’s a tourist trap. Come on!
6. Fort Manoel
Might as well make the most of it before we get that snazzy urban park!
7. Ħaġar Qim
Recently restored and ready to enlighten you of your heritage… and to tell you that your favourite fast food joint has a new menu item (only available for a limited time!)
8. Fungus Rock
Without the Azure Window to rely on, Fungus Rock will have to do. It’s there, it’s a nature reserve. It’ll either have a crane or a glowing advert on it. We’ll just flip a coin to see which one happens first.
9. Cittadella Fortifications
Gozo is relatively untouched when compared to Malta. This must change! We have an upcoming tunnel to fund and Gozo needs that capital, ta’.
Capitalise on the nudists. Because the minorities of Malta aren’t getting the best rep, we must take their money! Plus hey, sex sells.
BONUS: The Entire Grand Harbour
Hey, if we’re targeting Fort St Angelo, we may as well just go with an all-or-nothing mentality.
BONUS BONUS: Resurrect the Azure Window
Taking the “nothing” of what’s left of Azure Window and giving it our “all”. It just makes sense, okay?