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Places We Can Hide La Valette’s Sword To Never Give It Back

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As news surfaced that La Valette’s dagger would be finally making its way back to Malta (since apparently we’re not good enough for the full sword) many Maltese seem to be losing their shit.

For some reason our nation is obsessed with the fact that the French stole the weapon and still have it to this day. And since we’d like nothing more than to see said Frenchies frown, here’s a few places we can try hide it.

1. Hide it under layers of plastic cheese at a BBQ

It’s time to put our BBQ supplies to good use (still no need for a watermelon though). There’s no way the French will ever touch something as processed as pre-sliced cheese.

Sliced Cheese

2. Redact the loan contract so heavily, the French won’t be able to find the return date

Let’s learn from those who are way better at hiding things than we are. Just remove the part where they tell us how long we can borrow it for, and we’re home free.


3. Declare war on them, and accept the sword as spoils for their inevitable (day-after) surrender 

Their soldiers will probably strike when they hear stories about the French being forced to eat rats the last time we fought them.


4. Hide it under a Gozitan’s tiles (or mattress) 

They already have the space for it, we just need to move around some Liri Maltin and a few Mills and we’re good to go.


5. Have Claudia Faniello live-duel the French Eurovision entry using the weapon

Just make sure Brooke doesn’t get to the weapon first backstage #Unstoppable

Lovin Cover 25

6. Give it to Nexia BT

They’ll know exactly where to hide it.

Inauguration Of Nexia Bt Offices

7. Slot it into Norman Lowell’s walking stick

We’re sure he won’t mind swapping out his plain old sword for a bedazzled beauty.


8. Bury it in Cacopardo’s eyebrows 

And it was never heard from again…

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9. Give it to some guy at Nadur, dressed as a duel-ready Salvu Mallia

They’ll probably be in a group with most dressed as chairs and tables from Cafe Cordina, and another dressed as Helena Dalli’s husband.

Salvu Mallia Gozo Nationalist Party

10. Stick it onto Caravaggio’s Beheading of St. John

It’ll be like the world’s coolest (and most expensive) collage. All the cool movies are in 3D these days anyway.

Caravaggio Beheading Of Saint John The Baptist

11. Disguise it to look like a razor

They won’t even know what it is, let alone how to carry it. 

“It removes what from my where?!”

Girl Shave Armpit

Bonus: Put it in a museum 

If we can’t find a way to keep it, we can just have it on display in a museum for a while, and give it back whenever. The Maltese will never even know it’s gone.

Jd 92251

Where would you hide the dagger? Tell us in the comments on Facebook.

READ NEXT: What Malta’s Historic Moments Would Be Like If Internet Existed

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