As news surfaced that La Valette’s dagger would be finally making its way back to Malta (since apparently we’re not good enough for the full sword) many Maltese seem to be losing their shit.
For some reason our nation is obsessed with the fact that the French stole the weapon and still have it to this day. And since we’d like nothing more than to see said Frenchies frown, here’s a few places we can try hide it.
1. Hide it under layers of plastic cheese at a BBQ
It’s time to put our BBQ supplies to good use (still no need for a watermelon though). There’s no way the French will ever touch something as processed as pre-sliced cheese.
2. Redact the loan contract so heavily, the French won’t be able to find the return date
Let’s learn from those who are way better at hiding things than we are. Just remove the part where they tell us how long we can borrow it for, and we’re home free.
3. Declare war on them, and accept the sword as spoils for their inevitable (day-after) surrender
Their soldiers will probably strike when they hear stories about the French being forced to eat rats the last time we fought them.
4. Hide it under a Gozitan’s tiles (or mattress)
They already have the space for it, we just need to move around some Liri Maltin and a few Mills and we’re good to go.
5. Have Claudia Faniello live-duel the French Eurovision entry using the weapon
Just make sure Brooke doesn’t get to the weapon first backstage #Unstoppable
6. Give it to Nexia BT
They’ll know exactly where to hide it.
7. Slot it into Norman Lowell’s walking stick
We’re sure he won’t mind swapping out his plain old sword for a bedazzled beauty.
8. Bury it in Cacopardo’s eyebrows
And it was never heard from again…
9. Give it to some guy at Nadur, dressed as a duel-ready Salvu Mallia
They’ll probably be in a group with most dressed as chairs and tables from Cafe Cordina, and another dressed as Helena Dalli’s husband.
10. Stick it onto Caravaggio’s Beheading of St. John
It’ll be like the world’s coolest (and most expensive) collage. All the cool movies are in 3D these days anyway.
11. Disguise it to look like a razor
They won’t even know what it is, let alone how to carry it.
“It removes what from my where?!”
Bonus: Put it in a museum
If we can’t find a way to keep it, we can just have it on display in a museum for a while, and give it back whenever. The Maltese will never even know it’s gone.