Pro tip: in a post-Dnegel world, never ask the Maltese community at large what they’d name a child. You’re probably not going to like the result. We’ve known this for a while… and yet, here we are again.
Almost exactly one year to the day since one Maltese woman’s list of baby names went viral for its sheer Malteseness – giving birth to the notorious Dnegel – a similar post has appeared on one of the nation’s largest online forums. And while some answers are very obviously piss-takes, there are uncanny moments of uncertainty in here that we really need to address.
It all started last night, with one young boy’s innocent enough (or was it?) post asking RUBS Malta one simple question: “Modern Baby Girl Names?” Side note before we even start to dive head-first into this: the original post seems to have now been amended to ommit the word “modern”… because some of the answers in here are just a tad too cutting-edge.
Overnight, the post has already gained a hell of a lot of traction, with over 200 comments pouring in nearly instantly, and even more joining the fray even as I write this. But what ended up making the cut? Well…
You had the obvious (but necessary) callbacks to 2019…
Sure, just slap an “a” at the back of a name and you’ve usually got yourself an instantly feminine-sounding name, but are we not going to talk about how Dnegela doesn’t really work? And should we even be discussing that? Probably not.
Bonus Points in this category go to the guy who took it just one step further and suggested Ssecnirp. Say it enough times and it starts sounding normal. Actually, no, no it doesn’t.
And of course, the nod at the notorious Z and X names that are slowly filling up the island’s streets are here too…
OK, confession time.
I’m not 100% sure which ones of these are actually jokes and which ones are legit names that already exist out there, so I feel like I’m walking on eggshells over here.
BUT, I’m pretty sure no one actually went and named their girl Xoxanda or Shaloshi. Right? Please?
Speaking of which, maybe someone should go for Aloscia after all…
Soon enough, though, in came the obviously (even more) satirical ones…
Poking fun at current naming trends, making that necessary pop culture reference and even tipping their hat off at a certain virus that’s already on everyone’s lips right now anyway, the names just kept coming in.
And as the comments quickly proved, this whole naming thing gets even more convoluted – and hilarious – if you throw the word “modern” at Maltese people.
Special shout-out to Destiny 2 for still being funny after reading it out loud about 34 times this morning
So what have we learnt today, ladies and gentlemen?
Well, a whole lot… and nothing at all.
We’ve learnt that Maltese people will never shy away from an opportunity to take the piss online, and some people out there are creative as heck.
But we’ve also learnt that, when it comes to something like naming your children, this tiny island has some questionably grey areas between fact and fiction.
What I still haven’t found out, though, is whether someone will actually name their baby girl Dnegela this year. Stand by for updates.