The world is a-fluster with the advent of a spectacular royal wedding. Prince Harry is taking Meghan Markle to be his lawfully wedded wife at Windsor Castle in the UK, and the global feel-good factor is through the roof.
But Malta’s got royalty of its own, and we deserve to celebrate the joining in matrimony of two famous people just as much as any other country. While we might not have a castle per se, we have tons of palaces, palazzos, casas and castellos, so choice of venue shouldn’t be a problem.
And as far as royalty goes, we have tons of princes and princesses to choose from as well.
1. Emma Muscat and Biondo
Part romance, part diplomacy, Italian singer/rapper Biondo showed the world how much he truly cared for Emma Muscat when he steamily kissed her on international television.
The obvious next step, clearly, is to get them married.
We could bring all the famous singers she’s sung with over, as well as football superstar Francesco Totti, for a symbolic wedding between the Republic of Malta and the Italian Republic that would be the beginning of a golden age of Italo-Maltese relations.
2. Valentina Rossi, Mark Laurence, and Carlo Gerada
While Mark Laurence might be a self-proclaimed virgin, the chemistry between him and Valentina Rossi indicates that Malta’s first three-way wedding might be on the horizon.
Between Carlo’s swag, Mark’s jokes and Valentina’s personality, we might just have the perfect ménage à trois right here.
3. Ira Losco and Sean Gravina
It’s long overdue, everyone wants it to happen, and their wedding could just be the panacea that brings all of Malta together in these troubling times.
4. Chucky and Karl
You know their fabulous wedding would just be the best thing ever.
It would probably be Dungeons and Dragons-themed, which would make Chucky and Karl the undisputed coolest and nerdiest gay couple in Malta.
5. Future double wedding of Etoile and Soleile
Prime Minister Joseph Muscat’s daughters already have their UK Royal Family connect down, as shown in the picture above.
When they eventually do decide to marry, they will be able to choose from an array of incredible venues including Windor Castle, Verdala Palace, and the Ateshgah of Baku.
6. Joseph Calleja and Chiara
Their wedding will feature some of the top vocalists from around the world, and their eventual lovechild will be hailed as the new Pavarotti.
Their talented lovechild, however, will have no soul, as both of their parents already sold it off to the Eurovision Committee and Henley & Partners.
BONUS: Ben Camille and everyone
Photo: Brian Grech
Even though Ben is already happily married, a wedding between the TV personality and the entirety of Malta wouldn’t be a terrible idea.
The women will love it, most guys wouldn’t mind, and his mother would get another 400,000 people to boss around.