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9 Home Remedies Every Maltese Nanna Swears By

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Maltese grandparents exist to school us on countless a life-lesson – how to not waste a grain of food even if it’s moulding; how to pack food for every single trip we make even if it’s to the post office; how to dish out the perfect back-handed fat joke.

But where they are most instructive is on the matter of personal health and general well being. Here’s a few home-remedies all Maltese nanniet will vouch for.

1. Saying three Hail Marys

Remedy for: all sickness and sins.

Nan, I think I have herpes…”

“Say three Hail Marys.”

2. Growing out of shit

Remedy for: muscle pain, headaches, broken bones

Nan, I think I tore a ligament…”

“It’s just growing pains.”

3. Throwing Aspirin at the problem

Remedy for: anything under the sun

Nan, I have this weird rash that isn’t fading away…”

Ħu żewġ pennits.”

4. Ditto Sudocrem

Remedy for: all types of skin ailments

“Seriously Nan, this rash is turning purple and bumpy…”

“You tried Sudocrem?”

Sudo Multi Middleeast

5. Not washing your hair at that time of the month

Remedy for: insanity

Nan, I’m going to have a shower…”

“If you use hot water and you have your period you’ll go mad. Qed navżak.”

6. Not sunbathing at that time of the month

Remedy for: sun stroke

Nan, I’m going to the beach…”

“If you have your period and you sunbathe you’re going to burn alive. Qed navżak.”

7. Eating

Remedy for: dizziness, nausea, depression

Nan, I think I need to see a doctor I’ve been having very dark thoughts…”

Kilt xi ħaġa?”

Eat

8. Not thinking about it

Remedy for: sharp pain, shooting pain, dull pain, chronic pain

Nan, I’m feeling this radiating pain in my left arm…”

Tiffissax.”

9. Drinking tea with lemon and honey

Remedy for: sore throats

Nan, my throat feels really scratchy…”

“Here, have some tea with lemon and honey.”

“…thanks, that actually feels way better.”

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