9 ‘Oooops’ Moments In Malta And How To Fix Them
In the hustle and bustle of today’s fast-paced world, you’re bound to run into at least one highly unnecessary and extremely unwanted problem in your day-to-day lives. Not to worry though, we’re here to get you through each one of these with a quick fix.
1. Calling up takeout but having a delivery time of more than 2 hours
Quick fix: just go and buy pastizzi.
2. Opening a car door for the Queen of England but realising too late that she exits out the other side
Quick fix: turn to Whatsapp chat groups to help prevent PR scandals.
3. Being too short to reach the top shelf at LIDL
Quick fix: ask the ridiculously tall Dutch exchange student buying cheap alcohol to aid in your vertically-challenged shopping dilemma.
4. When the leaders of your country are fighting and making a scene
Quick fix: call the President of Malta to demand a meeting between the two of them and calm things down.
5. When the discussion on Xarabank deteriorates from debate to kindergarten playground
Quick fix: cut to more advertising slots.
6. When that one relative you don’t particularly like asks about what your life goals are at Christmas lunch
Quick fix: change the subject by loudly asking for the whereabouts of a significant other of a cousin you know is single.
7. When you’re laughing so hard, you pee a little
Quick fix: fish out a packet of your very own ‘Lights by Tena’ and you’re good to go.
8. When you run into someone in Republic Street and you can’t remember their name
Quick fix: “Aw… bro?” “X’għandna… sabiħ?”
9. When you show up to your friend’s party three hours late
Quick fix: blame it on traffic. Odds are there’s at least one traffic-jam out there.
BONUS: when you you sneeze too hard and you end up with ropes of snot coming out your nose
Quick fix: run to the nearest bathroom and endure a few solid minutes of self-inflicted cringing. You can’t really backtrack from that one.