With so many beautiful cliffs and caves across our island being completely inaccessible on foot, it’s no wonder a lot of Maltese people count down the seconds till they’re back on the open sea, repeatedly slamming their coccyx against the seats as they ride the waves without a care in the world.
But no matter where your naval adventure takes you, you’re always going to encounter a few standard Maltese boat practices.
1. The 8 boats that will be tied to each other
They will shamelessly block most of the bay, and most likely be huddled onto one boat anyway. Maybe their adventure at sea has led them to miss the crowds at Għadira.
2. The insanely loud speed boat
We get it, you’re an adrenaline junkie, but can I please enjoy my sunbathing siesta? We’re out here to avoid the sound of traffic, thanks.
3. The kid who’s definitely too young to be driving a dinghy alone.
Occasionally they’ll be wearing life jackets, which does little more than make them easier to spot. Little child, where are your parents?
4. A watermelon
Because, no matter what, someone always brings a watermelon instead of actual dessert.
5. The Jet Ski that just appears out of thin air
Was that an apparition? Am I already at the hallucinating-at-sea phase two hours in?
6. The group of adults with a giant inflatable whale
Your first thought is always “aren’t those meant for kids?” before the envy slowly, but surely, creeps in and you make a mental note to hunt for one on eBay later that night.
7. The ice-cream boat that’s always out of reach
Someone break out the f*cking flare gun!
8. The massive boat party which obviously harshed your vibe
Cue lots of loud, drunk singing and perhaps a flashed boob or two. Normally it’d be great fun, but today was your sunshine and chill day – please come back some other time.
9. The superyacht in the middle of the bay which makes you feel inferior
So the boat we’re on is half the size of your rudder? It’s not about the size – it’s about the motion in the oce… oh. Yeah those are some pretty big waves.
10. The lone Luzzu
And all is well again…
11. Your friends waving to you from the shore
Who will obviously be joining you after swimming through the surrounding fleet of ships. With no dessert.