In Malta we don’t exactly live life on the edge. Our day mainly consists of working, driving to and from work, eating, drinking, and relaxing. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t exposed to the most nightmarish of dangers imaginable.
We just wish we could have some kind of protection from the perils of Maltese life. Here’s what we would apply for if the insurance policy so existed.
1. Mother-in-law insurance
For the day when she tells you for the thousandth time that you’re not good enough for her son/daughter, and you kill her and make it look like an accident. #KunjataKiller
2. Paceville hangover insurance
3. Traffic insurance
For when you burst open your larynx from screaming at all the people around you.
4. Pastizzi insurance
To buy you a relaxing holiday after you get cardiac arrest because of the dozens of cheese-filled pastries you’ve eaten on any and every occasion imaginable (yes, including welcoming foreign dignitaries to Malta).
5. Beach insurance
You just want to be insured in time units for all the hours lost trying to find a free spot at Riviera on any day in summer.
6. Riħ isfel insurance
For when the humidity absolutely slaughters your blowdry and you’re like…
7. Festa insurance
Covering anything from eating too much processed food, standing too close to the ġigġifogu, or accidentally dropping a statue.