Mornings – everyone around the world has them, but only about 400,000 people get to experience the un-joys of a Maltese AM.
Here’s some staple scenarios that invariably occur in a Maltese household once dawn breaks.
1. Being awoken by the great outdoors
And by great outdoors we mean – jackhammer, bulldozer, gas truck, belligerent driver, gossiping neighbour… should we go on?
2. Snoozing till way past what you can afford so you won’t have to speak to your parents
I’ve been able to choose my own clothes since I was 27 years old, Ma. Ħallini.
3. And then realising they’ve left without making you tea
Ħudni l-Orsolini mal-ewwel.
4. Praying that your brother / sister hasn’t finished the hot water
Damn our tiny geyser!
5. Wondering how many layers you need to wear to feel warm
Until you step out of the house and you’re sweating…
6. And why your hair and make-up is perfect…
But only till you reach your car. #RiħIsfel
7. Realising you forgot to take the garbage out before leaving the house
And it’s been three days since you threw away your leftover lampuki.
8. Trying to avoid your neighbour who’s waiting behind their door to hear your footsteps
“Ara Doris, kemm illi ma nark!”. Translation: I’ve been avoiding you like the plague.
9. Driving for half an hour in traffic, then realising you forgot your lunch
Which you spend all evening planning for yesterday, and you know your ħobż biż-żejt will be way too soggy to eat tonight.
10. Giggling to Oz & Jay‘s bromance banter
Thank you for being the silver lining to this otherwise soul-destructive traffic jam, XFM 100.2.
11. Celebrating the fact that you don’t have a puncture
With Malta’s roads, it’s a 50/50 bet every day.