XFM 100.2’s Big Breakfast show with Oz & Jay gets regular guest appearances from characters like Father Seamus, The Angry English Motorist, Sister Finnula and Outback Jack. But perhaps one of the most popular character is Jay’s Gozitan second cousin Kalanċ, who phones in from time to time with a special message (or a rant or two). Here are some of his best moments, ranked in order:

6. Brexit’s effect on shipments to Gozo

Starts at 2:06

Kalanċ didn’t seem to be very phased by Brexit, and while he did initially worry about a potential increase in price for shipping tractor parts to Xewkija, he quickly asserts that “killex indeħlilhem”.

5. Pokémon GOzo

Most of Summer 2016 was dominated by the mobile game sensation, to the point that it even reached Kalanċ and his quiet field in the middle of nowhere. Although he wasn’t too sure what the game’s all about (“ma nofx…tal-Pikachu?”), that didn’t stop him from giving his two cents on the matter. Also includes a rare imparting of wisdom through a plea to not use your phones while driving.

4. A power failure in 2016? Kalanċ weighs in!

What starts off as Kalanċ’s comments on power cuts in Malta ends up as a whole rant about kids these days and their addiction to gadgets and dependency on technology. The part where he recounts his grandchildren complaining whenever he switches off the Internet “moderrn” and expresses concern over the wasteful tiny LED lights on its front always gets to us.

3. Seagal, Stallone, Christmas and Crops

One of Kalanċ’s funniest features is how he effortlessly goes from one subject to a totally unrelated other. In this clip of just over two minutes, Kalanċ goes from a guide on which seeds to plant and how to make the most of the winter rainfall, to advice on taking care over the Christmas holidays, to a very assertive call-out to all those people who don’t respect nature (“ċjuuwċ!”). He also throws in a quick Steven Seagal fanboy mention that absolutely kills Jay and Corrine on-air.

2. The answer to why so many people throw their cigarette butts on the ground

When you think about it, it’s actually pretty obvious, but it took someone like Kalanċ to finally say it.

1. The Traffiks Check with Kalanċ

An instant classic. Kalanċ reports on the traffic (or what he cals “traffiks”) situation in Gozo after the feast of Santa Marija in his typical chilled attitude. A quick praise to the Malta Police Force and an even quicker special message for a sick Oz later, Kalanċ will have you in stitches.

BONUS: Father Seamus reading pieces out of 50 Shades Darker

If you loved Kalanċ’s interventions, then we’d recommend looking out for Father Seamus in the next couple of days. Oz and Jay’s spiritual advisor, Father Seamus hails from County Donegal in Ireland and is always, let’s say… tipsy. His latest venture is reading some of the kinkiest parts of the new 50 Shades Darker book in an effort to raise funds for a liver replacement. 

Tag a friend who can perfectly pull off the Gozitan dialect!

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David Grech Urpani

Lovin Malta's Head of Content, Dave has been in journalism for the better half of the last decade. Prefers Instagram, but has been known to doomscroll on TikTok. Loves chicken, women's clothes and Kanye West (most of the time).