The Official Guide To Surviving A Buffet In Malta
Over the years, buffets have become a traditional staple of Maltese lifestyle. If you want to win us over as a population, all you really have to do is stick an “All You Can Eat” sign on the front door.
Having said that, it can get a little tough to survive a buffet in Malta, especially considering all the delicious dishes on offer. Here’s your official guide to surviving one of these bad boys.
1. Don’t fill up on bread
This one’s a rookie mistake, but it’s also one of the commonest ones around.
We Maltese people love bread and actually make some of the best around, but you’ll be hating yourself if you end up getting full by the time the good savoury stuff comes out.
Also; you wouldn’t want to gain unnecessarily extra weight.
2. Queue up way before (or way after) the family of 25 here for a griżma afterparty
Look, if the food is so good, you’re not only going to be the only one lining up for it.
Simple enough to understand as a concept, but dangerously easy to gloss over. There’s nothing worse than feasting your eyes on a couple of amazing dishes, only to be stuck behind an endless line and watching it slowly deplete in front of your very eyes.
3. Go for smaller portions
The key, of course, is to pace yourself.
You don’t need to fill up your plate to the point where walking back to your table feels like an egg-and-spoon race.
Go for a portion which is slightly smaller than what you’re used to, because it will allow you to either get more of the same later, or even try some of the other delicious food on offer.
Having said that, don’t be afraid to go for seconds (or thirds). That’s exactly what buffets are there for and it’s a beautiful feeling. No one will judge you for it, so you can basically avenge yourself for all those years when you’d be scared of going back for two more pastizzi.
4. If you really like something, don’t sleep on it
There’s a difference between being super chill with your portions, and missing out on your favourite grub.
Unless you’ve got a very left-field favourite dish, chances are it’s not going to last long at a buffet. Take the golden opportunity to stand up and help yourself and get your hands on that holy grail of food ASAP, before it’s gone and you have to wait for a restock.
5. Take the opportunity to try something different
This is one of buffet’s indirect pros.
Even though you might not be super big on a something in particular, you should still try it out. You get the liberty of only putting a small portion on the side of the plate, and if you don’t like it, just don’t have it again.
If you end up falling in love with it, consider your buffet repertoire increased even further. That’s how most people end up liking bebbux anyway.
6. Scope out any new trays being brought out
Ah, the hidden gems of the buffet.
Whether it’s a fresh, hotter restock of your favourite food or a completely new dish which wasn’t available before, these are the rare but beautiful moments you’re going to be remembering for days to come.
Don’t forget to look back at the serving table every now and then; the coveted stuffat tal-fenek might be minutes away.
7. Fight the mental food wall with a quick break and an open button
You’re not out to beat any time record here. Just give it a second and your appetite will be back.
If you feel stuffed, it’s totally fine to pop open the top button of your shorts as long as your shirt is long enough to cover it.
8. Dessert will disappear, so keep your eyes peeled
If you’ve followed all the steps properly, then you’re going to have enough space for dessert.
This however is Malta, which means most people have steadily become well-versed in the buffet game.
Don’t wait too long for when you think it’s socially acceptable to get dessert, because it will disappear.
Tag a buffet pro, and someone who needs to read this!
