It’s so hot outside, you can’t tell where your burning skin ends and the searing summer air starts. You’ve doused yourself in water, caked yourself in way too much sunscreen. Then it hits you: ice cream.

Whether you’re a licker, or a scoop-in-a-tub kind of person, ice cream etiquette is a real thing. Unspoken rules abound, so sit back, grab a spoon and read through the list.

1. Never. Make. Eye. Contact.

To every popsicle sucker on the planet: don’t-look-up-from-your-popsicle. To every other person in the vicinity of said popsicle sucker: don’t stare.

Your simmering social anxiety will thank you.

2. It’s a cone, not an exercise in jaw dislocation

If you’ve bought yourself a cone and it turns out it’s the tastiest thing for miles around, well good for you. Your attempt at inserting the whole thing in your mouth however is as flattering as that buttcrack hanging out of your swimming trunks.

Just don’t.

3. If it’s not your ice cream, don’t ask for a lick

Why on earth would you ask for a lick? If ever there was an food version of backwash, this is it. Worse still you leaned in for a lick without permission. If you’re that desperate, at least get a spoon.

4. The two-minutes-to-melt rule…

It’s August, it’s hot AF and you’ve bought yourself a freezing creamy ice cream. Now all you have to do is consume it in exactly two minutes before the whole thing envelopes your arm.

5…. and no hand licking

Tough luck, you missed the two-minute mark. Either way, don’t lick your hand. Or your arm. Go wash your hands. No one needs to see that.

6. Messy eating is never pretty

Speaking of hand licking, if you’re making a first impression, maybe skip the three-scoops-plonked-in-a-tiny-cone and go for a quaint little ice cream scoop in a cup. Unless you’re into having ice cream dripping down your front, in which case, you do you.

7. Don’t double dip

If you don’t love raiding the freezer for ice cream, you’re just lying to yourself. Either way, don’t eat out the tub. It’s gross. And no double dipping with spoons.

Of course, rules are meant to be broken, so do what we do: don’t tell anyone you bought an ice cream tub and just eat out of it as you please.

All covered? Now make your choice wisely

Scratch your head all you want, and groan at the inevitability of your double-dipping, at least there’s a whole wide world of ice creams out there to choose from, and Nestlé Ice Cream Malta are here to make it all that little bit easier.

If you’re a classy AF dinner party host, why not try a tub of La Cremeria? Maybe you want to throw it back a little a go for a classic cone. Or better yet, you’re at the beach and want a taste of both worlds with a creamy-biscuity Maxibon. It’s all out there, so get slurping!

Tag a friend who dips their chips in ice cream

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Matthew Baldacchino

Self-titled resident SJW and expressionless in-house Head of Internal Marketing. Matt loves prepping vegan and vegetarian food, consumes way too much coffee, and has an unhealthy penchant for storyboarded Instagram Stories. When he's not trying to figure out social media policies, marketing strategies or cracking SEO conundrums, you can catch him as the host of Basically, Livestream Of Consciousness or Lovin Daily. Hit him up if you've got a story about the environment, arts and culture, health, politics and activism, or LGBTQI+ issues. He's also a doctor, but we don't talk about that.