Why The iPhone 7 Was Literally Designed For Malta
The rest of the world may be angry Tim Cook, but Malta owes you one.
Everyone is either elated, or up in arms over the new specs and features of the iPhone 7. Set to be released September 16th (in the UK anyway) the new release is being called their 'best work yet' - well yeah, you'd hope so for the money you're paying.
Whatever the case, this whole thing looks like it was designed entirely with the Maltese clientele in mind; and here's why:
1. It's dust resistant
Designed exclusively for Malta to brace ourselves for the next 10 years of construction. If only our nouveau-asthmatic bodies were also dust resistant.
2. It comes in jet black or black
A choice that seems to have been designed to stir up some issues amongst the Maltese - mostly deciding which one will be deemed ‘orrajt ta’.
3. It's water resistant
This is an important one for Malta. No more fears about getting it wet after an impromptu game of camacama or after a wave hits daddy’s sailing boat. And more importantly, no damage caused by excessive sweating.
4. Storage starts at 32GB
No matter how cheap (and/or poor) we are, we all need more storage space. Where else are we gonna keep all our photos and videos of fireworks which we will probably never see again.
5. It will have a brighter screen
Which means we can finally see what's written on our phones - even during the midday sun.
6. Optical zoom lenses make snooping easier
The perfect way to capture shots of Malta's interesting take on health and safety, without exposing ourselves to the neighbours.
7. We don't have to worry about losing our Wireless AirPods
You guys, relax - Sant Antin's got our back!
8. No headphones - no problem
You now have the perfect excuse for having music blaring out of your phone on the bus.
9. A longer battery life is essential
It may only last 20% longer, but during a power cut that'll be the most important percentage in your whole life.