Going out with a group of friends in Malta always starts the same way. Whether it’s for reasons of saving money, not showing up early to the party, or wanting to get turned up on your own accord, the Maltese way is the pre-drinks way.
People who drink together, stay together, even if they’re in essence very different people. Here are eight people you’re guaranteed to meet at a Maltese pre-drinking session.
1. The host
Your graceful host. The person who has their parents abroad, or a big enough house to be able to hold drinks while not bothering anyone.
They generally start off the event quite relaxed with a smile on their face welcoming everyone… until they begin to notice nobody using coasters, the spilt drink in the corner, and everyone pushing the party way out of hand.
Please take a moment of silence for all the stained chairs, the hours spent cleaning and the shouting they will receive from their parents the morning after.
2. The planners
Those angels that plan everything ahead of time so the rest of the party crew can relax. The wonderful souls that get ready early, go purchase the alcohol, ice and cups and still show up on time.
Truly the heroes we need, but do not deserve.
3. The ones who always come late
There are always those people that show up a few hours into pre-drinks. They quickly become the soberest of souls in a pit of intoxicated people.
It won’t take them long to down a couple a drinks and get right into the party, but first they’ve got to get through saying hi to every drunk person at table.
4. The super couple
The couple you never see apart, to the extent that one would wait behind a bathroom door while their worse half relieves themselves. They’re a couple that only socialise between themselves. Never really trying to get into the conversation and just sitting together, with looks on their faces that they’re above it all.
You just know that by the end of the party, they’re going to have a fight dragging in half the people at the event over the stupidest of things.
5. The lazy ones
The ones that literally say nothing during the planning stages on your WhatsApp group. They’ll message you 20 minutes before the night starts, asking you if they can pool in with you for a bottle that of course you will need to go buy.
If you’re lucky, they won’t ask you to come pick them up too.
6. The smokers
If the party is inside, then they’re outside. If the party is outside, then they’re partying.
The friends who will be asked to bum out cigarettes like they’re pastizzi. Sure they’ll have more cigarettes then drinks, but who’s counting anyway?
7. The story tellers
As you go around the room, you will undoubtedly come across the story teller. Their only intention is to take as much of your time recounting a story which frankly you have no interest in hearing.
Their mouths will move and their tongues will swivel from side to side, while you look at them with a blank look and polite smile, all the while patently nodding, and trying to find any excuse you can to get away.
Pro Tip: Go for a refill
BONUS: The drinkers
Nothing else is on the mind of these people but them finishing the bottle they got with them.
Whether it’s beer pong or any other random game, they’ve only got one thing on their mind; getting drunk faster and harder than you.