Despite the recent high rates of traffic Malta’s seen lately, there is still a significant portion of the population who go about their daily commute on public transportation. The best (and worst) thing about public transport is probably that it’s so very public.
You meet loads of people along the way, but most fall into the same 16 moulds.
1. The Clueless Tourist
Poor souls have no idea which bus to catch, have an accent too thick for anyone to understand, and try to pay for a bus ticket with a 50 euro note. Just, no.
2. The Student
Young adults, usually sporting unkempt hair, messy clothes, and a bag bigger than Donald Trump’s ego.
3. The Chatty Nanna
Elderly women who humphs loudly until you ask her what’s wrong. This bestows upon her the right to preach about something totally irrelevant, and might even escalate to the grosser details of her medical exams.
4. The One With The Loud Music
Be it earphones or a speaker, this person will be a nuisance to most, blasting unbearable music all throughout your ride.
5. The Hopeless Mother
Usually sporting a minimum of three kids, who due to her inability to control her own offspring, makes your time on the bus feel like a road trip to hell.
6. The Sleepyhead
Snoring their way to the next stop you’ll find yourself in a serious moral dilemma; wake him up just in case their stop is close, or leave them enjoy their sleep.
7. The Creep
Usually of the ‘creepy old man’ category, the creep might slurp out some terrible pick-up line, and usually sits right next to you even if the bus is completely empty.
8. The Seat Hog
The little bitch who keeps their bag on the seat next to theirs so that no one can sit. It’s fine, we’ll just hold on to the bus pole for dear life every time the driver goes into a pothole.
9. The Perfs
You can never escape the perfs. They’re everywhere, and if you’re unlucky enough to catch the 11pm bus from Valletta, you’ll get an unhealthy dose of swag.
10. The Smelly One
This could literally be anyone, but they’ll somehow always smell like wet goat.
11. The Loudmouth
Turning the passengers into an audience, this person will shout their way through a phone call, and will make you hear private matters which you could have gone your whole life without knowing.
12. The Bookworm
13. The Posh One
Formally dressed despite being on a bus, they’ll have an air of superiority making everyone feel like peasants. With their high heels and/or ironed blazers, they stand out among the others (despite looking completely out of place).
14. The Germ
Coughing and sneezing their way through the entire bus ride. Again, just don’t.
15. The driver’s relatives
This is usually the driver’s girlfriend, and their kids, and possibly even their extended family joining for a ride. Just enjoy the cute family arrangement and pray no argument breaks out.
16. The Couple
You might encounter this in two variations; they’re either so in love it makes you sick, and everyone has to know about it, or they’re arguing so much you’re uncomfortable either way.