9 Things That Always Happen When The Maltese Drink Wine
"No vera, I only had two glasses ta!"
As a nation we're known for enjoying a drink or two (or twenty). Besides endless beers at the kazin and tray upon trays of Paceville shots, we're also quite partial to a good glass of wine.
But every time a bottle is popped open, there's a couple of phrases you're always bound to hear.
1. Someone decides they're experts and insists on "nothing local ta. As if, I don't like Maltese wine."
€4 wine from France is still shit wine Sarah.
2. Someone will mess up the order once you've all finally agreed
"Ma no I can't drink red. I forget it always makes me sleepy! If that I'll just get a glass on my own."
3. You'll be asked what you think about the wine, so you panic-laugh and just comment something about how "it's dry aye?"
"Ha ha ha, I love the... flavours and body?"
4. Someone will announce their love for a totally unrelated wine, thinking it's what they're drinking
"I love Glich! Ghax qisu, it's super easy to drink you know?"
5. Someone will knock over a glass, and everyone will turn into Martha Stewart-Macgyver
"You spilled? Just throw some white wine on it" Thanks Sarah, what an innovative contribution to the situation.
6. Your friend who's been slurring their words for 30 minutes will shyly announce "nahseb hadni naqa..."
7. After which they'll start fanning themselves cause "telatli fawra madoff!"
8. You find yourself covering your mouth to speak cause you're worried about your stained teeth
9. And no matter how much you actually drank you've always had "only two glasses ta!"
Bonus: When you're caught without a corkscrew, one friend will always say "I saw this video on Facebook where you can open it with a shoe."
No Sarah, you fucking can't.