Parenting Plans Couples Make... Until They Actually Have Children

Yeah, good luck with all that.

Sure Jan Poppins

1. I'll never post photos of my children on social media

Especially not those that will make them embarrassed if someone digs them up from the ether, when they are grown up. It's not fair and it's not safe.


Baby Selfie

2. I will never use disposable nappies, dummies, or milk formulae

That way, I will be safeguarding both my children and the environment. 


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3. My boys will never have scruffy shoes or torn jeans

Regardless of the fashion trends at the time, being always neatly turned out is not being a nerd – it’s what’s right. 


Rugrats Mud

4. My children will always be polite and caring

They will never be bullies. They will share what they have and do as they would be done by. 



5. My children will never eat junk food

And they will never snack between meals. They will never take sugar or salt, and the only fats they will eat shall come from milk and cheese, and avocado.


Giant Pizza

6. My girls will not wear make-up until post-puberty

No, I will not even get them the Cutie Pie kits with organic vegetable eye-shadows and olive-oil based lipsticks. 



7. No babysitter screens

They will not have an iPad to tote along with them, and they shall not watch television in the morning, before school. They will be with me, watching (and helping) me make their lunches and doing the chores and cooking so we’ll have a meal to come home to when we get back.


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8. No cereals, bread, sweets, or tinned products

I’ll make them a fresh fruit and / or vegetable salad every morning, each one different from the one before it, and the one after it, for breakfast, and another one for school. 



9. Nobody but I, will care for them

They are my children. I will nurture them until they get to kindergarten age. No nannas, nannies, aunties, friends, neighbours, or playschools. That’s what maternity leave is for, isn’t it?


Fran Fine

What other things do all non-parents always claim they'll do? Share this post with someone who understands this all too well!

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