Parenting Plans Couples Make... Until They Actually Have Children
Yeah, good luck with all that.
1. I'll never post photos of my children on social media
Especially not those that will make them embarrassed if someone digs them up from the ether, when they are grown up. It's not fair and it's not safe.
2. I will never use disposable nappies, dummies, or milk formulae
That way, I will be safeguarding both my children and the environment.
3. My boys will never have scruffy shoes or torn jeans
Regardless of the fashion trends at the time, being always neatly turned out is not being a nerd – it’s what’s right.
4. My children will always be polite and caring
They will never be bullies. They will share what they have and do as they would be done by.
5. My children will never eat junk food
And they will never snack between meals. They will never take sugar or salt, and the only fats they will eat shall come from milk and cheese, and avocado.
6. My girls will not wear make-up until post-puberty
No, I will not even get them the Cutie Pie kits with organic vegetable eye-shadows and olive-oil based lipsticks.
7. No babysitter screens
They will not have an iPad to tote along with them, and they shall not watch television in the morning, before school. They will be with me, watching (and helping) me make their lunches and doing the chores and cooking so we’ll have a meal to come home to when we get back.
8. No cereals, bread, sweets, or tinned products
I’ll make them a fresh fruit and / or vegetable salad every morning, each one different from the one before it, and the one after it, for breakfast, and another one for school.
9. Nobody but I, will care for them
They are my children. I will nurture them until they get to kindergarten age. No nannas, nannies, aunties, friends, neighbours, or playschools. That’s what maternity leave is for, isn’t it?