How To Be A Maltese 'Perf'

Want to become a part of the Beltos sensation? Probably not.

Beltos

For those of you who are currently extremely confused, 'The Perfs' are a group of adolescents who banded together as a reaction against the 'Tal-1K' (a group that requires 1,000 likes on your Facebook photo to be allowed to hang out with them). 

These adolescents make style their main goal in life, and show that you don’t need a thousand likes on your pic to be worthwhile. It's a cute idea on paper, but the cuteness fades fast when meeting them in person.

But what makes a Perf, so perf? 

1. The Almighty Snapback

Flat Cap

This accessory is the necessary to be recognised as a perf. No hat, no friends - simple.

2. Tank tops or crop tops are required

Tank Top

You must expose your noodle arms/bellybutton to even dream of becoming a perf.

3. Sweatpants or microshorts are the only trousers you can wear

Adventure Time 2

Comfy and cool at the same time, these will be the last clothing items needed to complete your look.

4. Make a list of all your sexual partners

List

Remember all those people you made out with while half drunk in the middle of a club you shouldn't be allowed into? Time to write them down and boast about them with your friends.

5. Hang out exclusively at Valletta 

Penguins

Your Saturday nights must be spent at Valletta doing absolutely nothing (except glaring at people walking past) with your friends.

6. Hate everything

Blonde Eyes

You must snarl at anyone who is not part of your pack, and glare at everything that breathes. If they dare to answer back, you must fight it out. #tihbro

7. Carry a large speaker anywhere you go

Mr Bean Dance

Part of your training is learning to blast cheap pop/house tracks with your Dr. Dre pill speaker imitation at a moment's notice.

8. Pretend you don’t care about likes on facebook, but tag everyone you know to get them

Rub Hands

You're not part of tal-1k and your validation comes from your inner beauty, but also you must get more likes than your peers at all costs.

9. Come up with weird names for everything

Lets Get Weird

The iconic example is Beltos (that’s Valletta for all you peasants).

BONUS: To be a true perf, you must be escorted out of McDonalds by a police officer at least once

Shame

Standing up to authority has never been more pointless.

What else do you need to become a Perf? Tell us on Facebook, or send us a Snap!

READ NEXT: 9 Reasons Why Maltese People Are Basically Cats

Written By

Kurt Abela

Being just a few inches over five feet, Kurt indulges in writing existential songs, fixing his hair, and cuddling cats.

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