You know the story – you hop into your nice, warm bed around 10pm ready to get your sleep on for an amazing nine hours. That seems like an awful lot, and you wouldn’t want to be overtired. Maybe I’ll put on Netflix…
*5 hours later*
WHAT HAVE I DONE
1. Your alarm is met with a motivational message to get you on your way
To get you the fuck out of bed.
2. You’re exhausted from the first second of being awake
And spend the day exhausted, and wonder what it feels like not to be exhausted.
3. You’ve done any, or all, of the following
Boiled the kettle and poured it into your cereal, left your keys in the fridge, put two different shoes on or cracked an egg into your coffee.
4. Hearing your alarm tone in public sends you into cardiac arrest
A fate worse than death.
5. Breakfast seems arbitrary and unnecessary
Purely because you’re far too tired to hold a spoon.
6. Everything is hazy in a mildly terrifying way
Think a Valencia Instagram filter… over a horror still.
7. Everything starts to look more and more like a comfy sleeping spot
Even your bus is starting to look more like a bed and less like a peasant wagon.
8. You’re wildly emotional and any little thing can set you off
Pro tip: Go to your favourite lunch spot early to avoid them running out of your favourite choice. You don’t deserve that turmoil.
9. You start to wonder why on Earth people could take drugs when they could just take naps
Sleeping is greater than not sleeping… any day.
10. You’re confident your body is made up of 95% coffee
And 5% unhappiness.
11. Everything is funny to the point of tears
Bad boss joke? Gas. Man tripping? Gas. Seagulls squawking? GAS.
12. When you do eventually sleep and need to pee, you’ve honestly considered nappies
”I couldn’t… Could I?”
13. Bags under your eyes are your current aesthetic
”No, that’s not a smoky eye – that’s my face”
14. You envy pets and their sleepy, satisfying lifestyle
Constantly either grazing, rolling over or sleeping, again. All in tiny, furry bodies.
Sign me up.
15. You count how many hours of sleep you’re going to get if you go to sleep RIGHT NOW
And then silently weep.
Which keeps you up for another two hours.
16. Your brain wakes up the second you get under the covers
Ready to run a marathon, write that novel and drop the hottest mix of 2016 all in one.
17. And finally, you make peace with your fate and are never surprised when you see the sun rise before you
You didn’t choose the owl life, the owl life chose you.
Are you nocturnal? Is there anything you think we have missed off the list? Let us know by leaving a comment on Facebook.