Christmas Decorations That Prove Malta Will Always Go Way Too Far
Subtlety was never our island’s strong suit, and we’ll always be a more is more kinda nation. Which is why when Christmas, the most extra of all seasons, rolls about – there’s no decorum in our decor.
1. Why believe in just Santa when you can meet his five twins too?
From a singular Santa hanging off a Birkirkara balcony to a craze that swept the whole island, the legend of the hanging Santa obsession will always haunt us.
But what’s most interesting is that at its peak, one balcony could sport up to five different Santas scrambling to climb in through your window.
2. Why have one set of lights when you can drain a power station?
If you want to show the world that you’re no grinch then you need to make sure the big window in your house flashes enough to induce an epileptic seizure. And the window near it needs to do exactly the same in a different colour. And the one near that needs to not match at all but flash even faster.
3. And why light the whole facade/tree/column when you can just stop halfway through?
Don’t bother evenly spreading out the lights from the top of your garden’s palm tree all the way to the bottom. Just pack ‘em all at the top and have the rest of it just floating in awkward darkness. Sorted.
(This sarcasm doesn’t apply when owning a cat. In that situation it is recommended that you keep your tree barren from claw-height down.)
4. Why have a crib when your whole house can be a walk-through nativity?
Life-sized Magi and shepards on a front porch are the latest trend in Christmas decorations designed to terrify anyone who walks past your house at night.
5. Why have one style of decoration on your tree when you can have three (hundred)?
Tinsel, baubles, ribbon or hand made crafts are individually all cute ways to brighten up your Christmas tree. Most design enthusiasts would recommend having just one or two overlaying styles.
If you really love Christmas, people would close an eye at three styles. But when you’re pushing a dozen different directions on one, knee-height tree, you’re doing too much.
6. Why let your neighbours sleep when you can make your house sing
Those singing fish from the 90s weren’t enough for you? You gotta make your whole house break out into eerie, tinny instrumentals of Christmas Carols?
If you’ve never walked past one of these houses late at night, you don’t know true fear.