A One-Sentence Summary Of All The Malta Eurovision Song Contest Finalists

Condensed bitchiness

Brooke Cover 2

1. Don't Look Down - Miriana Conte

Ariana Grande's long-lost audition for Moulin Rouge. 

Miriana

2. Kewkba - Janice Mangion

If Evanescence went to Maria Regina, this would be her all-Maltese Eurovision entry.

Janice

3. Bombshell - Maxine Pace

Little Mix's cuteness featuring the line "put your hand on my grenade" in a sexual context (yes, seriously).

Maxine

4. Breathlessly - Claudia Faniello

Claudia is too Pure for Eurovision, and the end of this song should have been a duet with Cher in Burlesque.

Claudia

5. Fearless - Rhiannon Micallef

Not sure if the song required every word to be pronounced slightly weirdly but I do like the song (good luck with the note at 2:34)

Rihannon

6. Laserlight - Klinsmann Coleiro

This song makes me want to be friends with Klinsmann and just chill somewhere as he sings Jason Mraz.

Klinsmann

7. Fighting to Survive - Cherton Caruana

Random female cover of an 80s Def Leppard song is interesting, but not really a novelty.

Cherton

8. Follow Me - Franklin Calleja

My one request in this short life is for Franklin to sing all the songs in my future Disney biopic.

Franklin

9. Follow - Kevin Borg 

He sang with Jordan Sparks that one time, and has a clap-and-belt bridge - we're cool.

Kevin Borg

10. Seconds away - Jade Vella

Not really able to push past "treat me like I'm lady" but the song is quite the banger.

Jade

11. Crazy Games - Shauna Vassallo

I'll be honest - tinnily blasted, 90s Craig David garage vibes was not what I was expecting after the drop.

Shauna

12. Ray of Light - Raquela Dalli Gonzi

She says all her words really sweetly, and belts out a killer Kelly Clarkson at 2:23

Raquewla

13. So Simple - Crosswalk

Lady Gaga's Joanne has opened so many doors for country music, bless her (also this entry is very sweet).

Crosswalk

14. You - Richard Edwards

When you're worried this was going to be Firelight's Michelle, but he turns out to be Beyonce (with an amazing Cat Stevens vibe).

Richard Edwards

15. Tonight - Deborah C & Josef Tabone

The chemistry is cute, but I'd never listen to 'bumblebee bubblegum' lyrics set to a Youtube vlogger's royalty-free music.

Deborah

16. Unstoppable - Brooke Borg

I wish the song was as good as Brooke herself is, but I already know she's gonna slay.

Brooke

What are your thoughts? Tell us your favourite

READ NEXT: 2016 Eurovision in GIFs

Written By

Chucky Bartolo

If there's no Mariah Carey GIF or reference to Eurovision in this article, just assume they've been edited out against my will.

Comments