7 Ways The Maltese Have All Felt Like St. Paul

There's a reason we love him so much


1. We all have a nickname we can't shake

Whether you're Saul and suddenly find yourself being called Paul, or Tal-Wudy because of that one time you ate three sausage rolls, all Maltese people have been subjected to a nickname they have no control over.

Why Tho

Why tho.

2. Blinding lights have caused everyone to nearly crash

Have you ever driven along a road and some asshole has his brights on, and refuses to switch them off regardless of how many times you flick yours? Now you know why poor Saul/Paul fell off his horse.

3. Family events have made us resistant to poisons

We all have a family member who shouldn't legally be allowed in a kitchen, and yet every big event they offer to make their "(in)famous potato salad" everyone is then forced to shovel down, or risk Aunty Sarah having a full-blown meltdown. #LifgħaEatYourHeartOut


4. Including metaphorical venom too

And these same events also come with their fair share of snide remarks far more poisonous than any small rock snake. We've learnt to shake it off, and drop it in the fire.

002 Paul Rome

5. One small story will spread across the island in seconds

Whether you landed on our island and spoke endlessly about a religion that took the place by storm, or accidentally kissed an uggo in Havana, in a matter of days all news spreads across the whole island.

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6. Commuting to Gozo in winter feels like a shipwreck waiting to happen

With waves higher than the ferry, and the acceptance of your impending doom, getting to Gozo for carnival means a new appreciation for what San Pawl suffered.

Feast Of St  Pauls Shipwreck Banner

7. And we all know no good comes from leaving our shores

There really is no place like Malta, particularly when you're leaving to go on trial for your life. Sure, we may not have the same stakes, but we all know of the dangers that come when you're no longer on Maltese soil.


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Written By

Chucky Bartolo

If there's no Mariah Carey GIF or reference to Eurovision in this article, just assume they've been edited out against my will.