This may come as a surprise to some of you, but this sexy little island we live on suffers from a severe case of Snowflake Syndrome. We are sorry for bursting your bubble of white light, but now we feel like it’s time to address this issue and talk about it openly.
What this means is that basically we think that we are special (just like a snowflake) and therefore should be treated differently. Chuck Palahniuk famously coined this term in his amazing novel Fight Club back in the 90s, which we suggest you read when you get the chance.
We have suffered from this malady for a very long time. Let’s face it; if a country could have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Malta would have it. But beyond this slightly overused term of snowflake, there’s a list of other similarly hash but all too valid things to call Malta and its very vocal inhabitants.
1. Small Island Syndrome
Just like Napoleon Bonaparte, Malta suffers from the little man syndrome.
We attach ourselves to authoritative figures and try to migrate towards a position of leadership. Let’s face it, we all know that bassa who schmoozes his or her way up the social ladder.
2. The Specials
We’re all so very special, aren’t we?
Some of us cannot even wait in line like a decent human being. Because we need to be first, we need to be served before everybody else; we’re busy and we don’t have time to wait.
Ranging from waiting at the hospital to waiting for the poor waiter to get our food on the table, we are the most impatient nation in the world.
3. The Narcissists
This goes hand in hand with the Small Island Syndrome.
Our exaggerated feelings of self importance and lack of empathy are astounding. This is the land of the grandiose, the land of special treatment, the land of nepotism and an all round feeling of lil min taf, mhux kemm taf.
4. The Enraged
Do not say that we as a nation are a patient lot, because we aren’t.
We cannot handle trivial delays and as soon as the tiniest inconvenience happens, people will go on full fits of rage. Go on The Salott and skim through the rage-infuelled comments people leave over the most trivial things.
You will need treatment after seeing them, swear to God. We need therapy.
5. The Entitled
Our sense of entitlement often comes hand in hand with our demand for special treatment — go at the Mater Dei waiting room and you’ll see.
The poor nurses and doctors try their best, and instead of being a bit thankful for having free healthcare, we grumble. We get angry because that other woman dying from appendicitis got in to see the doctor before we did.
“Eee jiena ksirt subajja ta’!”
6. The Apathetic
We seem to have a lack of empathy and a very short fuse when it comes to situations where we need to wait, let others get stuff before us, or feel some sort of remorse for our fellow man (we say fellow, but God forbid he’s wearing a different coloured t-shirt).
This has been in our blood for centuries, you cannot deny it; 110 boys were trampled to death in 1823 for free bread.
7. The Opinionated
How dare you not agree with me? How dare you want things that I do not agree with? How dare you have an opinion that is different from mine?
We will become instantly and easily offended and dojoq over the most minuscule bullshit ever. Rights? What rights?
8. The Offended
This of course is an extension of the above. We are so easily offended and skurplużi. It’s OK (and frankly great) to get voice your opinion, but Maltese people have proven to be very selective with how we go about it.
If someone wants to freeze their eggs, we will go out in the streets and protest because we feel offended in the name of all the potential babies. But let’s fuck up an entire country by bulldozing over fields and building shitty looking box flats over them. Let’s accidentally knock over the Cittadella walls too while we’re at it. Only five people will go out to protest over that anyway.
Bravi, or as people on The Salott would say: “Istħu jekk taf kif!”
BONUS: The Dusty
Just like all snowflakes, we are white AF, and we’re not talking race here.
The amount of construction dust this country has to offer is enough to build two other Gozos and 20 homunculi. We are so into building bullshit that our country looks like it has a heavy addiction to barriera powder.