Shit To Stop Telling English-Speaking People In Malta
1. “Għala tuża l-Ingliż, ma tafx titkellem bil-Malti?”
Translation: Why do you speak in English, don’t you know Maltese?
I can indeed speak Maltese, thank you very much. English is just the language I grew up speaking, so I automatically feel more comfortable using it on a day-to-day basis.
2. “X’int tal-pepe”
Translation: You’re so [imaginary group of English-speaking supremacists]
Strange, I didn’t realise speaking one of our official languages automatically makes me a part of some secret high-society club.
3. “Minjaf kemm għandek flus”
Translation: Lord knows how much money you have
This is great news to me, considering I wasn’t born into money. But I have spoken English all my life, so I can’t wait for the government’s poshy–cheque to arrive at my tiny flat in San Ġwann.
4. “Kemm nobgħod nies minn tas-Sliema”
Translation: I can’t stand people from Sliema
Firstly, why would you hate a whole town just cos you hate English-speaking people? Secondly, why the fuck would you even hate people for speaking English?
It turns out that, legally speaking, you can actually use English all over the island – shocker. The only real ramification will be the unnecessarily harsh eye rolls you’ll get.
5. “Ahh, kieku tajjeb id-daddy jħallasli kollox”
Translation: Ahh I wish my dad paid for everything.
Indeed, he just throws cash at me. I took two jobs so I can empathise with those poor, Maltese-speaking folk (and their three-storey villas), not to pay off my home/car/student loans.
6. “Kemm tiflaħ tkun snob?”
Translation: Why are you such a snob?
How exactly did expressing my thoughts and opinions in English suddenly turn me into an elitist?
7. “Għala tobgħod l’pajjiżek?”
Translation: Why do you hate your country?
I never realised mispronouncing certain words made me a national traitor. Fun fact: English is also an official language.
8. “Ma tafx li l-lingwa hija parti mill-istorja ta’ pajjiżna?”
Translation: Don’t you know that our language is part of our history?
Let’s be honest, we probably have an equal knowledge of the history of our language (and that’s being generous considering how much more of an effort we make to study it not to sound dumb).
9. “Mhux int ma tagħmilx sforz biex titkellem bil-Malti?”
Translation: Why don’t you make more of an effort to speak in Maltese?
Well, every time I try to speak in Maltese, you spend the first half hour taking the piss out of me.
10. “Jaqaw ommok Ingliża?”
Translation: Is your mother English by any chance?
Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m every part Maltese as you are. And, regardless of what language I feel comfortable expressing myself in, I’m exceptionally proud of it.
11. “Jaqq, kemm ma niflaħx nisimgħek titkellem”
Translation: I cannot stand listening to you speak
I’d better develop a fake accent to cover the accent everyone believes is fake. Also, I’d better stay off the radio or risk some intense Salott hate.
