The Ultimate Guide To Surviving A Maltese Family Christmas Lunch
Buckle up; it's gonna be a wild ride
Christmas is quite a jolly time. There’s food, drinks, candy and a bunch of pretty cool presents to open. Sadly, you also have to go through those compulsory family dinners which can get as atrocious and awkward as watching all of the Fast And Furious movies in one sitting.
We have written up a handy survival guide for you to get through this dreaded dinner in one whole piece. Good luck xbin.
1. Eat as much as humanly possible
If there’s food in your mouth, you cannot speak. Manners, right? You’ll hopefully be able to avoid a lot of those awkward questions your step-aunt likes to ask.
Keep that dish of pigs in blankets super close; you never know when you need to stuff one down your throat. Also, the food is most probably super tasty, so that’s a huge plus.
2. Keep the drinks flowing
Keep the booze flowing for yourself and your family members too; they’re less likely to ask you about your life if they’re merry.
Of course drink responsibly, but that pesky festive booze is the best thing you can turn to if you want to survive this jolly dinner. Hey, you can even turn it into a drinking game!
3. Ask the elders to tell you a story
This is one of the best foolproof ways to survive Christmas. Ask either one of your nanniet if they had a lover pre-nannu era. You’ll most probably be super surprised with the answers you get.
You can also ask about the war, rations, make up tricks, how they managed to eat so much lard, and what they did for fun when they were young.
4. Help with dinner
SIf you’re stuck in the kitchen, chances are that almost nobody will bother talking to you much. Look at the kitchen as if it was the safe space you so desperately need.
You can feign being busy as you chug down wine with your mom next to the oven. Bliss.
5. Try your best to not get angry
Take this as an opportunity to not get angry or frustrated or anyone else. It will only make the dinner more bearable. Also, just keep in mind that this dinner won’t last forever.
6. Let go of your expectations
Christmas dinner is a tricky tradition. Avoid controversial topics, disagreements and please remember that you cannot change anyone’s opinion.
Let go of any expectations you might have of this dinner and just enjoy it for what it is.
7. Invite a friend or S.O. for emotional support
You really, really need someone who will be able to hold your hand under the table when things get too much.
Make sure that it’s someone you trust and will be able to laugh about all the cringeworthy moments you go through afterwards.
8. Know your limits
Nobody likes getting piss drunk and throwing up all over nanna’s upholstery. So try to refrain from morphing into a younger, sadder version of your uncle Joe.
You also need to keep yourself sober enough to head out with your friends afterwards anyway.
9. Brush up on your small talk skills
Those ‘mhms’ and ‘a-has’ and ‘ilallus’ will totally save you when the conversation gets a bit too sticky.
You need to become a pro at not letting your eyes glaze over. You also need to learn how to avoid awkward subjects tactfully.