Things Fashion-Forward Men In Malta Are Sick Of Hearing
They just don't get it bro
Different people feel different levels of comfort in their own skin, and it all gets much more complicated when clothes are thrown into the equation. The sad thing is that, even in 2016, guys who care a lot about the way they look (fashion-forward, metrosexual, spornosexual, swaggot, hipster, hypebeast... whatever people have decided the term is this week) are still very misunderstood.
Here's a list of things these guys are sick of hearing on a quasi-daily basis:
1. "Wait... so you're telling me you're not gay?"
As we learnt yesterday gay jokes are always at the peak of Maltese humour – so this one is not a shocker. Sure, the days of pink polos and backpacks being seen as gay are thankfully way past us, but you'd be surprised how – for a lot of people – a heterosexual male is not allowed to give at least two ounces of shit about whether he looks his best in public in the twenty first century.
2. "Why do you spend all that money on clothes?!"
Well Jason, why do you spend all that money on making your car look like a mini-Havana?
Everyone's got a personal cutoff point on how much they're willing to spend on something they feel is important.
3. "Qendroġijnijz x'inhu? Trans?"
If you've started on the path of metrosexuality, you may already have moved past fashion-forward and into the unknown territory of avant-garde. This is where you find yourself buying skirts or women's jackets just because you honestly think they look good on you, or because they should "become a thing" (and maybe deep down you think you'll be the one to make them a thing).
This is where words like Androgynous might crop up in the conversation. Good luck explaining that to someone who thinks blue is for boys and pink is for girls.
4. "Well, I for one just want to feel comfortable."
No one's judging you man – you don't need to go on the defensive. Live and let live.
5. "But women don't like that ta"
Yeah, women absolutely hate a guy who cares about the way he dresses and just want a total slob by their side. Yep, you've got it. Go get 'em tiger.
6. "Uwejja qisek mara!"
Ah yes, my dedication to personal style makes me less of a man. And of course you're probably better with tools than I am – so I really do need to question my masculinity. Now if only we still lived in the Stone Age when that was the only thing that mattered...
BONUS: "... but are you 100% sure you're not gay?"
At this point, the whole conversation restarts. Just zip up your holographic backpack and be on your way.