Popular Biblical Characters And Their Maltese Aliases
We grew up listening to Bible passages and being called dimonju! by our teachers and families. But despite the seriousness of religion lessons, we still think of Biblical characters as some sort of fantasy figures from a faraway land. And as with any character or archetype, we tend to relate most to those whose characters we know from reality.
Here are five Biblical characters and characteristics that can easily be spotted in Maltese people.
1. Satan
Maltese equivalent: Leader of the political party you oppose
Satan (street name: Lucifer) makes his cameo in the Garden of Eden in the first testament. He marks the beginning of sin, his primary strategy being deception. A narcissistic, sociopath, chronic liar if there ever was one – only rivalled by your ex.
Upon deeper analysis, however, a few politicians (limited to the party you oppose, of course) can just about match Satan’s evil traits. He is the principality behind the powers of this corrupt world system. He does not want to do what he was created to do. Rather, he wants to be served, and there are millions who do just that and choose to follow him. Ring a bell?
“For our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities …’ (Ephesians 6:12)
‘Isma’ naqra x’inhu jgħid ja bagħal l’hu!’
2. Jesus
Maltese equivalent: Vanni Pule’ and Ira Losco
Jesus (Of Nazareth, not that dude you know from Spain); a Jewish preacher and the Son of God. He preaches love and forgiveness, performs miracles and healings and is generally known to be a down to earth, chilled guy apart from that time He went apeshit in a temple and started overthrowing tables.
He’s an amalgamation of a few Maltese people. A magician at heart, Jesus has much in common with Vanni Pule’ – who would have been impressed by His multiplying of bread and fish, as well as Ira Losco, who also walks on water.
3. John The Baptist
Maltese equivalent: Gordon Manche’
As the title implies, John baptises people to signify their readiness for a new life. Sharing John’s dedication to bettering lives is Gordon Manche’ – the ‘River of Love’ guy who claims to ‘save’ gay people by converting them. This comes after experiencing a radical transformation in his life while living and practising ballet in the States.
‘This is John the Baptist; he has risen from the dead! That is why miraculous powers are at work in him.’ – Herod (Matthew 14)
4. Moses
Maltese equivalent: Angelik Caruana
It’s mentioned in the Bible that God appears to Moses on a mountain. Naturally, God – concerned about the suffering of his people in Egypt – made Moses remove his sandals because he was standing on holy ground.
Circa a couple of thousand years later, Angelik Caruana reported a series of visions of the Virgin Mary, also claiming that a statue of Mary was crying tears of blood, later found to be his own. They’re like apparition buddies.
‘And the angel of the LORD appeared to him in a flame of fire out of the middle of a bush: and he looked, and, behold, the bush burned with fire, and the bush was not consumed.’ (Exodus 3:2)
5. Eve
Maltese equivalent: Every female on the island
The first female mentioned in the Bible, Eve does not give her fellow women a good name. Told not to eat the forbidden fruit, she succumbs to temptation and goes ahead anyway.
We dislike her for being the original cause for the fall of mankind as much as we can relate to her moment of weakness. Therefore, Eve’s legacy lives on in every single Maltese woman.
‘Let he who qatt ma waqatlu żaqqu cast the first stone.’ (Anon)
