The Gozitan's Guide To Surviving Carnival Weekend
Raise the drawbridge, the Maltese are coming...
Short of hammering doors and windows shut, Gozo's population is bracing itself for a heavy influx of Maltese people for a (very) long Carnival weekend.
Straight from our fellow citizens across the channel, here's a how to guide on how to get through Gozo's most bedazzling festivities.
1. Bring your headphones to the ferry
We can guarantee you'll hear some Camilla Cabello, French Montana and/or the latest EDM blaring through the ferry at some point. Think of it as the shape of things to come this weekend.
Noise-cancelling headphones will save yourself a buttload of frustration, and your eardrums.
2. Put your car in the garage
Lord knows you're either not going to find parking for your car once you get home. But if you do somehow manage to navigate past the lost Maltese stragglers, put it straight in the garage. Either that, or risk, or risk finding it covered with streamers and/or a healthy helping of vomit.
3. Don't drive to Nadur
Let's face it, your bus system is somehow more streamlined than Malta's is. Rest safe in the knowledge that you'll get to the hub of it all in one piece and not have to hassle around for a zillion years trying to find a parking spot.
4. Invest in your in-built Gozitan GPS
You know Gozo better than the back of your hand, and try as they might no Maps app can seem to get the sister island right. What better time to get through the narrowest alley and skip the snaking queue of cars trailing all the way back to Victoria than at Carnival!
4. Use your connections to skip the queue at the bar
There's more Maltese than you've ever seen in your life at your favourite watering hole. Stay true to the unspoken Gozitan everyone-knows-everyone rule, make eye contact with the bartender and have them whip up your favourite cold brew.
5. Avoid Nadur until Monday
Lesson one at every Gozitan kindergarten: wait until the Maltese are badly hanging and on their way back across the channel with their tail between their legs before heading out to celebrate Carnival a la Gozitana.
Have a picnic on a far-flung beach, pack some perlini and nibble away at the Giordan Lighthouse, or whip yourself a wholesome Gozitan homemade meal to enjoy at home.
6. If all else fails get away from it all
Head to Malta and check yourself into a hotel, or hop onto a plane and jet off on a quick holiday. Just remember to pray for all the farmhouses and village squares while you're off on holiday.
BONUS: just go to the Carnival anyway
This is your island. This is your Carnival. Own it and dance the night away and judge all the drunk Maltese slurring their way across the Nadur square.