Readers, follow us għax Darlene is back on our screens and she’s about to embark on her own voyage through time all thanks to her recently discovered Kirkopian bużnanna
It really is unbelievit that Darlene has a bużnanna from Ħal-Kirkop, the place with all those animals. And imagine Sulvester’s delight at finding out he’s related to a local celebration of a person. Makes us wish we were all 1/17th Kirkopian.
Darlene is now officially a southerner once more, High Ridge resident or not
With her heritage hailing from the land behind the airport, she’s set off with the cameraman to meet her cousin Sylvester, a palaeontologist who thinks he’s about to discover Malta’s first prehistoric remains.
While those of us who left school with a result higher than 50 over 100 in Environmental Studies would assume that Malta’s topography isn’t old enough for that to be possible, Sylvester still wants to make his first impression on Darlene a rijl big one by proving that Kirkopians do in fact know a thing or two about Malta’s ancient secretions.
But Sylvester has a surprise for our Darlene once they’re done with the di(ck)g site – he wants Darlene to meet a few of bużnanna Redenta’s great grandchildren. Enter Maltese-Australian sass queen, Noeleen, and the product of Malta’s inescapable incestuous past, Erjordan. Stage left.
Iiiii, you think she can hug them?
To be fair, Darlene has just recently given birth to a sweet baby girl: Natalie-Flix. Di best najm.
Natalie-Flix was sadly born prematurely, but the mother-of-four took that on the chin and used her newly gained time not being pregnant to get back into the shape of the sexy slice of the Sowt that she was once before Rodent, Textron and Maytrix came along. She’s taking her lifestyle changes so seriously she’s even switched to Cisk Excel. Of course she’s drinking from an aluminium straw. Go Darlene, go! Save our trees!
Obviously, Sylvester is head over heels for his own cousin, but that isn’t really surprising given Malta’s size and concentrated population. Miskina nanna Redenta, kellha tfal, kellha ħafna tfal.
If you don’t find Erjordan’s name inspiring, you need to leave. Seriously, Darlene is slowly spreading a pivotal influence of Maltese society to the uneducated and if she thinks it’s a great name, then I am certainly putting it at the top of potential baby names for if I ever decide to unleash Satan’s spawn onto the world.
When we last caught up with the Hit Malta People, Tara and Darlene were filling us in with what they’ve been up to recently. Turns out that Tara has gone all holistic on us and found a new solo spot to drink wine at between shopping and lunch with the girls. We also learnt that Tara doesn’t really give a shit about the Gozo Chunnel.
Darlene, on the other hand, had hired herself a PA.
You know, short for a personal assistance.
The kids are still running amok with her house, always buying Fortrite skins. But she has been stopping and she has been thinking about it, her first three kids really did take advantage of her with their bisexuality and what not. She was then expecting her fourth and as she told the cameraman, the baby was going to be all about her.