For context, at six years old, the woman was diagnosed with ADHD, along with other things, and required taking an array of medication throughout her life in order to manage her mental health.

“I was put on different medications with trial and error, however, I eventually found a good cocktail of pills to help me, which I took daily.”

“When I had just turned 17, I was working as a waitress and living with my abusive mother. My life was a wreck, and I took drugs and alcohol to cope.”

“In February 2012, I became pregnant after a one-night stand. My church school had suppressed any form of information with regard to sex and different birth control methods, and I most certainly wasn’t getting this information at home,” she said.

She explained how she had no idea how easy it was to get pregnant at the time, due to the lack of education that she had faced on the matter.

A month later, when she did not get her period, she tried to blame the frequent drug use. However, by mid-March, she decided to take a pregnancy test.

“I took the test in the Bay Street bathroom alone. I hadn’t shared my worries with anyone. The test came out positive.”

She recounted how she felt faint in the toilet stall and proceeded to take another three tests to make sure it was the case.

Upon finding out she was pregnant, she contacted her social worker and disclosed all of the information. She immediately had to stop her cocktail of medication cold turkey, due to the possibility of causing deformities to the baby.

“The months between March and October were a blur, I was locked up for nine months and my family was far from supportive. I broke everything in my room. I didn’t shower. I didn’t eat. The withdrawals from my medication made me hallucinate.”

It was around this time that the woman considered performing a self-induced abortion on herself because no other options are available in Malta. 

She was dealing with frequent psychotic episodes and explained how the walls used to speak to her.

“My doctor then told me that if my mental health doesn’t improve, they were going to take away my baby. How can you force someone to have a baby and then take it away?”

By October, upon turning 18, she felt as if her mental health had slightly improved, and started going to Għożża, a support group for teenage mothers.

“November arrived, and I gave birth to a baby boy. I gave birth alone.”

Upon telling the midwife that she had no one who could join her during her birth, the midwife brought in five other midwives to offer their support to her.

“The day after I gave birth, I started my medication again. I was given adoption papers to sign, but I could not bring myself to do it. I decided to keep my child and carry the burden that comes with it.”

“I had to make peace with the fact that I had to sacrifice my entire life for this new human, and I was forced to be okay with it.”

“If I had the choice to abort that pregnancy, I would have done it in a heartbeat. I wanted one as soon as I saw the positive pregnancy test. Back then, I was a child with no support, no money, no job, and there was no way I could have afforded one abroad.”

Eight years later, the woman is in a much better place and has bought her own house and has a stable job.

“I have accepted the life I have been given, even though it was not what I wanted to what I chose to have. Thanks to my son, I am a better person and I’ve been clean since I gave birth. But even though he saved me, this was not the life I chose.”

“As I am writing this, I am crying. Women and girls in Malta need options. We need support.”

If you or anyone you know would like to talk about a similar experience, don’t hesitate to get in touch with us at [email protected]

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