13 Things To Stop Telling Gozitans
You know who you are and it's time to stop.
Living on a small island, Maltese people get a lot of comments they're tired of hearing; can you imagine how much more tiring it is to live on an island so small, small islands make jokes about its size? Lovin Malta spoke to a few of our friends from across the channel, to find out what really pisses of the Ghawdxin.
1. "Say something in Gozitan"
Honestly, what are you expecting from this question? A totally different language? A fun way to say Xlendi? Please don't.
2. "Do you guys have WiFi?"
One of the more common (and most annoying) questions asked; even people who know there is WiFi will (at some point) slip up and be impressed that our phones have 3G.
3. "Why do you need your own Sixth Form?"
Why are you OK with the idea of 15-year-old students travelling hours to get basic education? A question more valid than yours.
4. "What happens if someone gets sick?"
No, not every person with a bad cold gets helicoptered to Malta. You do know we have a hospital here too, right?
5. "If you love Gozo, why do you live in Malta?"
Yes, I came to Malta just to run away from home and bring shame to my family. The fact that I study (or work) here was just a total, unrelated and happy coincidence. Next question please.
6. "You can't be Gozitan, I've never seen you before!"
This is one of the few Gozitan-on-Gozitan jabs, why do so many geriatrics assume they know everything that goes on around them?
7. "Why don't you just walk everywhere?"
Because Gozo may be small, but you're probably thinking of Comino. Also: have you seen those hills?
8. "Can we buy some gbejniet off you?"
Yes, we know it's a joke - but we also know it's not very funny. Please stop.
9. "Where do you keep your goat?"
There aren't enough swear words in the world to cover the appropriate response that this question warrants.
10. "I love Gozo, I'm there every Carnival"
Yup, that's all there is to Gozo, the beer-soaked tarmac in Nadur.
11. "Did you meet Brangelina?"
Would you believe that they never accept my invite to hang out on the zuntier? And yes, I even offered to pay for their pastizz.
12. "I can't wait to come up for Santa Marija"
Super excited for you, promise. Thanks for the traffic, bruh.
13. "Ah you're Gozitan? So you must know [person]!"
If they're roughly our age, then chances are we probably do (but there is no way we're ever going to admit that to you).
Bonus: "So, are you a bridge person, or a tunnel person?"
Thanks Lisa, Manuel, Luke and Mark for your help with this.