9 Things To Stop Telling Maltese People
Yes we do have internet.
Living on an island smaller than most capital cities can have its perks; whenever we travel there’s an exotic twist to the stories we tell foreigners, and this usually comes from things that we find very mundane. That being said, as much as we love to talk about our home nation, there are some things we’re all just tired of hearing.
1. “Do you make Maltesers?”
Tajba! Honestly never heard that one before!
2. "Do you guys have cars?”
Just the one, for our Tribe Chief; the rest of us jog to work which probably explains why we’re one of the fittest nations in Europe... wait.
3. “Oh, I should come visit; can I stay with you?”
It’s not that we wouldn’t love to have you, it’s more that you visiting a Maltese friend almost always means living with their family. The idea that Maltese youths don’t move out for university is not just a rumour. Your week long vacation is, at some point, going to involve you having a hungover breakfast with my parents.
4. “You guys have internet?”
It literally just came in and I cannot wait to add you on “hi5”.
5. “I loved Malta, I was in Paceville for a week!”
Well then, I guess you’ve seen all there is to be seen. Why even bother leaving the hotel for anything that isn’t body shots off some stranger in Havana?
6. “Why do you guys even need a language?”
And also: How dare you, again. Our language represents more than just an amazing way to bitch about you behind your back. It also shows how our nation has grown over the years, the historical influences on our islands, and the constant need for better swears.
7. "Why are you so white? Aren’t you from an Island?”
At some point in our never-ending history, your ancestors probably ruled over our nation and defiled our women. Centuries later we’ve developed a whole spectrum of skin tones, the majority of which are, somehow, still prone to sunburn.
8. “But, you’re from Malta, why can’t you speak in Italian?”
Surprise! We’ve somehow gained access to more than three basic T.V. stations. We also have the internet now, so we no longer rely on our neighbour nation’s badly dubbed shows for entertainment (see above). Ciao.
9. “Wow so you must know everyone on this Island!”
Excuse me? Just because my great aunt’s sister is...oh. Fine. I guess this one is, all in all, pretty fair.