12 Maltese Moments That Literally Make You Moan 'Ohhh Yes'

And we literally mean literally.

Frodo Jizzing

Malta has its fair share of moments that make you think "oh bother" - but once in a while you come across a feeling that is so very Maltese, but still so very pleasing. Here's our list completely asexual arousing Maltese moments.

1. The first bite of a pastizz after a heavy night out

It's so warm, it's so tasty - it's so full of fats mopping up the poison flowing through my veins!

Selena Food

2. Taking off your pants and shoes after PV

Well, taking off, bursting out of - same difference.

Ursula Skinny Jeans

3. Standing up after a never-ending prietka in mass

You were sure your legs wouldn't function properly after sitting on that wooden bench for so long.

Stretch Gif

4. Seeing a car leaving a parking space in Sliema

Kind stranger, if I could kiss you I probably would.

Thank Yo

5. Feeling the first cool breeze blow in through a hot car

You can't touch the steering wheel, and the seatbelt has already burnt your hand. But as you drive out of your parking space from hell, that first cool wave hits you, and it's suddenly hard to focus on the road.

Head Out Of The Window

6. Realising everyone in the doctor's queue is waiting for a different doctor to you

Sorry, min hu l-aħħar għal Dr. Sammut? Ħadd?! 

Monsters Inc Queue

7. Driving home and not encountering traffic once

A pleasure rarer than an indicator at a roundabout, but when it happens boy does it feel great.


8. Stepping into a well AC'd shop in the middle of summer

You know you have a mental list of shops to target/fake interest in when trapped in the summer sun.


9. Peeling off your sweaty shirt as soon as you get home

The fan's breeze is suddenly so cold, it's painful - but you wouldn't have it any other way.

Stripping Gif

10. Successfully avoiding a distant family member at the supermarket

Because the last thing you wanted was an awkward conversation about how fat you are.


11. Leaving nanna's house so full you might explode

It might seem like being this bloated is a problem, but realistically speaking - how bad can being full of incredibly tasty food (made entirely with love) be?

Full Gif

12. The first time you have sex and it's not in a car

This is Malta, land of the teens/young adults who all live with mama. There's no use pretending that there's no vehicular bump'n'grind going on - everyone remembers the first time they rented a shitty apartment and enjoyed an evening not worrying about banging their S/O's head against the car door/roof/window.

Come Here Gif

Which Maltese moments really get you going? Tell us in the comments on Facebook!

READ NEXT: Everything You Pretend You Don't Do At A Maltese Buffet

Written By

Chucky Bartolo

If there's no Mariah Carey GIF or reference to Eurovision in this article, just assume they've been edited out against my will.