What Netflix Would Be Like With Maltese Shows On It
Netflix would never be as ratchet
Now that Maltese people can finally have a Netflix account, we think it is more than acceptable that Maltese TV shows become part of the streaming phenomenon.
The wide variety (yet lack of depth) of Maltese TV shows would fit perfectly among the different categories of shows available on Netflix, and this is how we think they would be organised.
Even though most Maltese television is a joke, there are actually some shows which are meant to be funny. Possibly the most popular comedy show ever to air in Malta, Deċeduti, would without a doubt fall under this category.
Quite the opposite to comedy, Maltese TV somehow still manages to be a nightmare. Rajt Ma Rajtx is one show that keeps you up at night because it was written to do exactly that, and not as a by-product of bad line delivery.
We wouldn’t mind watching it all again, whilst peeping out from under our sheets, of course.
And no, we are not referring to the live-stream of the Maltese parliament.
Most dramas produced on the island tend to be set in the 1800s-1900s, showing off the fashion of the epoch (the glorious Għonnella), while also managing to squeeze in an actual plot. Shows such as Strada Stretta, Iċ-Ċaqqufa, Giselle, It-Tfal Jiġu Bil-Vapuri, and Santa Monika (which is practically Malta’s Orange is the New Black, and is rumoured to return next season) are staples of this genre.
Being obviously inspired by James Bond, these shows never quite achieve the same result. The messy narrative accompanied by clearly fake gunshots, most often leads to an hour-long cringe-fest. Anġli may be worth looking into, but don’t look any further than that.
5. Reality TV
If you’d like to watch the drama that unfolds in these shows accompanied with the typical Maltese ħamallaġni, programmes such as L-Ispjun, Liquorish, Conquest (which is a more ghetto version of Liquorish and streamable on youtube), and l-Isfida, are the shows for you.
6. Talk Shows
We Maltese talk, A LOT. So why the hell would you not want to watch our talk shows? We hope they do away with Xarabank, and go for Malta Illejla, and Espresso, aka the ones to watch at the moment.
Malta had a fine history, until we came along and ruined everything. Bijografiji and Madwarna with Salvu and his adorable dog, are shows which remind us of our island’s treasured past.
These are the classic shows which are required viewing to obtain a Maltese passport. Simpatiċi, and the everlasting (and literally never-ending) Dejjem Tiegħek Becky, are two of the most renowned examples.
BONUS: And for the films…
It's important to have this segment there, for reasons of patriotism; but also important that you never actually press on any of the choices. Apart from some exceptions (which have thankfully grown in recent years), Maltese films leave you with an overwhelming urge to gouge your eyes out. Maltageddon #fml