What If Everyone In Malta Actually Was Obese?

Forget numbers and stats - we want fat celebs!

Fat Cover

Every couple of months there's at least one news source re-reporting that Malta has yet again made it to the top of the list of countries with obesity rates. This morning, it was confirmed that we beat second-place Latvia by almost 5%.

While there are other things that Malta ranks very high at, obesity is always the one getting mentioned. So we took it onto ourselves to reimagine some of Malta's celebrities with one simple addition - an added 90 kilos (that's 200 pounds). 

DISCLAIMER: We believe in being confident and happy in your body, no matter what size you are. What we are talking about here is not a few extra pounds, but a factual, unhealthy streak that needs to be stopped. If a meek suggestion won't do, perhaps shocking comedy will.

1. Joseph Muscat

Obese Joseph Muscat

Set in the alternate dimension where our Prime Minister has the power to order all the pastizzerias to send daily turtieri if they wish to continue operating.

2. Michelle Muscat

Obese Michelle Muscat

"When you can down four chicken pies in 2 minutes come speak to me, my dear."

3. Simon Busuttil

Obese Simon Busuttil

The one where he gives up on his hopes and dreams of becoming Prime Minister and dedicate his life to being an official fast-food taster. 

4. Daphne Caruana Galizia

Obese Daphne

Primarily known for sitting at her desk writing about half the country? Perhaps this is more like it.

5. John Bundy

Obese Bundy

Looks like newly-elected PBS CEO was hit by a sudden rush of power... and treats.

6. Ben Camille

Obese Ben Camille

He's still trying very hard to stay ahead of the fashionista curve, but we're guessing it's going to be a little bit harder to squeeze into those slim-fit suits.

7. Davide Tucci

Obese Davide Tucci

If you listen closely enough, you can hear the collective groan of a thousand teenage girls (and boys) at once.

8. Xandru Grech 

Obese Xandru

With so many other competitors vying for the title of Middle-Aged Maltese Heartthrob, Xandru seems to have just given up and let go. It's ok buddy, here, have another chocolate cake.

9. Peppi Azzopardi 

Obese Peppi Azzopardi

"Fil-qosor please - sejjer drive-thru wara hawn."

10. Valentina Rossi

Obese Valentina Rossi

The best / worst part about this is that it weirdly doesn't even look edited. Maybe it's because of the "Don't you dare touch my Double Whopper" look.

11. Mintoff

Obese Mintoff

Those are not soldiers of steel Mintoff is so romantically gazing at - there's a whole tray of Serkin's pastizzi fresh out of the oven.

12. Ira Losco

Obese Ira

Good luck walking on water now, Ira!

13. Gianluca Benzina

Obese Gianluca

Bless his soul, he never stops smiling...even if there seems to be some pain behind that eye-fat.

14. Kurt Calleja

Obese Kurt Calleja

You can forget seeing those dance moves any time soon - now, it's all about making it to the kitchen counter.

15. Tiffany Pisani

Obese Tiffany

At least she'll still be a killer DJ!

16. Joseph Calleja

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Nessun Mangia!

Which other celebs would you like to see fatified? Let us know in the comments on Facebook!

READ NEXT: Maltese Celebrities Without Teeth Is The Best Thing You'll See This Week

Written By

David Grech Urpani

Sarcastically ironic, Dave is a recovering hipster musician with a penchant for chicken, women's clothes and Kanye.