Stages Of Going Back To Work In Malta
Cue the endless traffic statuses
January is the Monday of months. Each and every one of its 30 days feels like the first day of the week – when your mind and body are both screaming and kicking in protest against the return to work.
Here's what we all go through come January in Malta.
1. Waking up at the dawn of the apocalypse
Your house is pitch black and the Christmas tree in your hallway is no longer a merry reminder of festive spirit but the only thing that can guide you to your only salvation – the kettle.
2. Snoozing until the last possible minute you can
Unless, of course, you still live with mummy and she's shouting across the shaft to your neighbour about Doris' (their common, old school friend) post-divorce fling.
3. Trying to get through all the 'traffic is insane' Facebook statuses
And having to give up literally 30 seconds in.
4. Posting a 'traffic is insane' Facebook status as you leave your car three hours after you entered it
"I don't usually post on Facebook but..."
5. Trying to field all the "Happy New Year" greetings from every single person in the office
I just want to sit in a dark corner and pretend other people don't exist.
6. Not knowing whether or not to comment on your boss' new haircut/Rolex/boob job
They've obviously had a make over, but you're not sure whether to compliment or pretend it never happened.
7. Having to face the guy/girl you tried to make out with at the Christmas party
"Orrajt jew? How's Sarah? I didn't know you were going out, or that she was my third cousin once-removed!"
8. Trying to convince yourself that this isn't so bad and you're glad to be doing something with your day
BONUS: Calling in sick on day two
Because you actually feel like death has become you, but it's your own damn fault for running to work with wet hair yesterday because all that snoozing made you late.
Or at least – that's what nanna said.