9 Ways Maltese People Fail At Simplicity
Simplicity is key... unless you're Maltese.
In a world where most people are trying to look like the Kardashians, being unique is a positive thing. But when is too much too much? Here are a few ways Maltese fail at simplicity:
Being one of the three sacraments of initiation, il-praċett is a big cause for celebration. So what better way to celebrate one of the holiest of occasions in the Roman Catholic religion than showing up in a limousine?
Showing up to events dressed like an actual Christmas tree isn't always the best way to go. #StayClassy
3. Photo shoots
Maltese people love photo shoots. We find any opportunity to hire a photographer to catch those totally non-staged moments where we just happen to be broodily leaning against a wall for no reason...or gazing into our lover's eyes with the sunset as a backdrop (what's a wedding without a pre-shoot for the pre-wedding shoot?!)
Whatever it is, if we are paying for it, we are getting our money's worth in elaborate sets, hairstyles that would freak Donald Trump the fuck out and enough layers of makeup to make a gateau.
We may be one of the most religious nations in the world, but sticking with boring old John and Paul? I think not. How about naming them after celebrities, football players, sexually-transmitted diseases and at times, a mishmash of the three.
5. Pimped-Out Cars
Maltese like to pimp out their cars and have them look like they're souped up for street racing. Who cares if the modifications cost more than the actual car? Bring on the LED lights, graphic stickers, 'aerodynamic' body kits, pimped-out wheels and annoying turbo sounds!
6. House Exteriors
No, it's not Gryffindor, that's my neighbours' house. That pair of roaring lion statues greeting you as you go to break into their house will probably work better as a crime deterrent than any CCTV surveillance could ever do.
7. Christmas Decorations
Welcome to vegas... err Christmas in Malta! Which could only mean one thing; that creep Santa Claus climbing balconies and hanging on for dear life. And don't forget the flashing lights that show your neighbours you're the best at decorating. Bring out the sunglasses!
There's a fine line between avant-garde and downright scary. Or is there? Nothing screams class quite like the popular men's shaved double-yellow line and the elaborate wedding updo.
The more the better!
'Mhux xorta itfagħlu naqra bajd u bejken!'