It's Shit Weather All Weekend: These Are The Horror Films You Should Be Watching
Cue the sound of Maltese adults screaming like infants
It seems like this weekend is going to be another rainy one, so if you're not really in the mood for going out and braving the cold, wet outdoors, here's a list of some essential horror viewing for this weekend.
Take your pick, if you dare.
1. The Exorcist
Don't accept any one of the remakes, go straight for the original 1973 classic. Guaranteed to freak the living daylights out of anyone, and with the ultra-religious upbringing most Maltese people have had, this one's bound to scare off a neighbour or two.
Tip: If the creepy possessed shouting doesn't get to them, maybe that iconic soundtrack will.
2. The Ring
Again, go for the first one in this series – because things end up getting pretty weird (and not as scary) with its successors. This 2002 supernatural, psychological horror film became an instant cult classic within a couple of years, and now might be the perfect time to revisit... Samara.
Tip: (AND SPOILER ALERT) Remember to be have your wits about you next weekend when your seven days run out and you're innocently strolling around a dark alley.
3. The Blair Witch Project
Back in 1999, when the Internet was mostly an imaginary thing, millions of people worldwide were scared senseless at what they believed was actual footage of three student filmmakers who disappeared in the woods of Maryland US while shooting a documentary. What followed was the legacy of The Blair Witch Project, which inspired two decades of found-footage horror films (including a sequel or two) that never quite managed to recreate the same raw fear the 1999 cult classic so effortlessly did.
Tip: Forget going anywhere near Buskett for the next month.
Even when he's not trying to specifically be scary (like in Pan's Labyrinth, or Hellboy), Giullermo del Toro has an incredible knack for creating eerily, creepy creatures that you can't help but fixate on...even if from the corner of your eyes. So you can only imagine what would happen if he were asked to produce a modern horror film. Well, you don't need to imagine anymore; say hello to Mama.
Tip: Don't do anything crazy just because it's the end of the month and you're broke AF..
5. The Human Centipede
Part mad-scientist-gorefest, part psychological-horror, The Human Centipede is that perfect flick to put on if you're looking for a challenge with friends as to who has enough guts to stomach it the longest.
Tip: We would recommend getting that Chinese takeout after you've sat through the film.
6. The Babadook
If you're looking for a really good horror film without any gore but with enough creepy scenes to have you turning the whole house's lights on every night just in case – then this is definitely the one for you. The Babadook gets bonus points for being a non-Hollywood film that came out of left field and terrified viewers with unconventional, and at times unpredictable, storytelling.
Tip: Watch this if you want to replace the Babaw with something...more.
Nothing quite hits the horror spot like a classic... with clowns no less! Stephen King's It turns seventeen years old this November, so it's time to celebrate with a re-watch. The one thing that had us properly spooked at the inevitable remake (coming later this year) was the flood of Pennywise the clown photos all over our newsfeed last Halloween.
Tip: This is perfect winter watching, especially pre-Carnival. Get ready to fight possessed child-killing clowns at Nadur!
8. Lights Out
Last summer saw the release of a big-budget horror flick that was based on a short film project uploaded on YouTube. What ensued was countless groups of viewers enjoying a night of continuous jump scares.
Tip: This one's perfect to relive our adult fears of dark, unlit corners. Did we say adult? We meant childhood, promise...
Antichrist is a European experimental dark arthouse-drama, with haunting, unsettling and extremely explicit scenes that saw it skyrocket it up to horror's hall of fame. It's the first film by Danish director Lars von Trier after he publicly announced ten years ago that he's suffering from depression. Err, yes, it's pretty much in theme.
Tip: Not for the faint of heart, make sure you don't randomly name-drop this film at nanna's during Sunday lunch.
10. The Conjuring
The Conjuring is only three years old and already has a sequel, but it's one of those films that's managed to amass enough hype (through genuine fear, and an insanely good marketing campaign) to already reach 'must-watch' reverence. It, of course, definitely helps its cause that so many people consider it one of the scariest films in the history of forever.
Tip: It also happens to be one of the very few horror films with a sequel that's just as good (read: terrifying). So you might want to make it a marathon viewing.
11. The Shining
Oh man, what is it with long narrow corridors and bright, kitsch wallpaper?! Thirty friggin' seven years later, Kubrick's classic remains an exemplary piece of filming, and a glowing beacon of the psychological horror genre.
Tip: The old decor of the hotel actually reminds us of a lot of houses around Malta. We suggest not sleeping alone tonight!