1. Marlene Farrugia will show up instead of Simon Busuttil and she will literally swallow Joseph Muscat whole.
Only to spit him out again, five minutes before the real debate starts.
2. Lou Bondi will be wheeled in to replace Peppi Azzopardi, who is recovering from a mouth infection.
Bondi confesses to having been on a four-year undercover mission within the Labour Party which started the day he uttered the immortal words at Caruana Galizia’s house:
3. Michelle Muscat will bring her kids along to watch their father’s performance but she will cover their faces in retro-fugitive-chic veils.
4. Joseph Muscat will start the debate by promising gay marriage for the third time.
Elsewhere, Franco Debono’s cock will be heard to crow.
4. Daphne Caruana Galizia will show up with the exact same briefcases as the ones seen being smuggled out of Pilatus Bank last night.
The documents inside the suitcases will show that Joseph Muscat did in fact get Daphne Caruana Galizia in his How Maltese Are You Quiz one year ago.
5. Peppi will convince Times of Malta journalist Jacob Borg to forgive his aggressor live on air and they hug to a standing ovation.
7. Joseph Muscat will try distract once more, this time announcing the legalisation of marijuana.
But only for gay and lesbian couples.
8. The Police Commissioner will show up shotgun in hand, looking for wabbit. Suddenly, his uncanny doppelgänger Ronald Lacey grabs the Commissioner by the face until he unmasks him.
9. The debate will cut to a 5-minute live stream segment of Michael McIntyre, the only other thing the Maltese are watching tonight.
10. Joseph Muscat will end the debate by airing a sex tape…
And we’ll forget all about Panama.