9 Home Remedies Every Maltese Nanna Swears By

Maltese grandparents exist to school us on countless a life-lesson – how to not waste a grain of food even if it’s moulding; how to pack food for every single trip we make even if it’s to the post office; how to dish out the perfect back-handed fat joke.

But where they are most instructive is on the matter of personal health and general well being. Here’s a few home-remedies all Maltese nanniet will vouch for.

1. Saying three Hail Marys

Remedy for: all sickness and sins.

“Nan, I think I have herpes…”

“Say three Hail Marys.”

2. Growing out of shit

Remedy for: muscle pain, headaches, broken bones

“Nan, I think I tore a ligament…”

“It’s just growing pains.”

3. Throwing Aspirin at the problem

Remedy for: anything under the sun

“Nan, I have this weird rash that isn’t fading away…”

“Ħu żewġ pennits.”

4. Ditto Sudocrem

Remedy for: all types of skin ailments

“Seriously Nan, this rash is turning purple and bumpy…”

“You tried Sudocrem?”

5. Not washing your hair at that time of the month

Remedy for: insanity

“Nan, I’m going to have a shower…”

“If you use hot water and you have your period you’ll go mad. Qed navżak.”

6. Not sunbathing at that time of the month

Remedy for: sun stroke

“Nan, I’m going to the beach…”

“If you have your period and you sunbathe you’re going to burn alive. Qed navżak.”

7. Eating

Remedy for: dizziness, nausea, depression

“Nan, I think I need to see a doctor I’ve been having very dark thoughts…”

“Kilt xi ħaġa?”

8. Not thinking about it

Remedy for: sharp pain, shooting pain, dull pain, chronic pain

“Nan, I’m feeling this radiating pain in my left arm…”

“Tiffissax.”

9. Drinking tea with lemon and honey

Remedy for: sore throats

“Nan, my throat feels really scratchy…”

“Here, have some tea with lemon and honey.”

“…thanks, that actually feels way better.”