8 Things You Can Do With €1 Million, But Probably Shouldn't

Or you know, you could be boring and invest them.

Beyonce Money

Last Wednesday, one lucky Gozitan won the lottery. After finally buying themselves a lock for their front door, the winner is going to have plenty of money left to spend. Here's our eight suggestions on how you could (but probably shouldn't) spend your newly acquired fortune.

1. Buy 12 and a half Ira Losco Disposable Tent Dresses

Does your camping trip collide with a wedding you can't afford to miss? Walk on Water Inc. has just the solution for you. Rumoured to have cost €80,000 a pop, the Eurovision star's dress is exactly what you've been looking for. As a new millionaire, you could fill your wardrobe with enough of them to carry you through the wedding and hunting season; perfect.

Ira Tent

2. Go on the ultimate LIDL shopping haul

Just think of how many BBQs you could buy with €1 million (it's 50,000, you're welcome). Even if grilled meat isn't your thing, you can still go home with a lifetime supply of long-life milk, packet salads, salami ta' barra, flip-flops and sandwich toasters!

Lidl Bbqueue

The momentous LIDL BBQ saga

3. Buy 90 metres of the Coast Road

The maths on this one may be slightly off, but then again so was the placement of its roundabouts. If you take the cost of building the 'most beautiful road in Malta' and divide it by its length, €1 million buys you a mere 90 metre stretch (with the rumble strip included at no extra charge).

This Is Where I Live Now Gif

4. Buy Serkin and rekindle national happiness

Investing in Rabat's only real attraction will buy you so much more than just an eatery; you'll also be fast-tracked to sainthood in the eyes of the Maltese. Although the final price hasn't been disclosed, we're guessing €1 million should be enough to buy the place, and still leave a little bit left over to invest in some new unique pastizzi flavours.

5. Buy 666 sets of horrific Brazzi from MaltaPark

Brazzi 2

6. Invest it all in print media

Sorry Not Sorry Gidf

7. Pay for 5 years of round-the-clock police surveillance for your flock of 300 sheep

Sheep Aladdin

8. Commission a large (loose) floor tile

Where else would a Gozitan keep their €1 million prize money? You don't really trust the banks, do you?

Witch Gif

Bonus: Open 10,869 accounts in Panama with just €92 in them

Britney Awks

READ NEXT: 7 Times MaltaPark needed a 'Xiz-Żikk' Button

Written By

Chucky Bartolo

If there's no Mariah Carey GIF or reference to Eurovision in this article, just assume they've been edited out against my will.